Holy...

I found Sparkle's foster mom on Facebook... 

I want to email her right now but...  I know the adoption agency told us that South Africa does not allow contact between us and Sparkle's first mom until Sparkle is eighteen.  But I'm trying to remember if that applied to his foster family as well?

And I had mostly given up on finding anyone who knew Sparkle in South Africa.  Now that there's this bit of hope I'm scared I'll do something wrong and she'll disappear. 

Just today we talked to Pumpkin's first mom on the phone.  It's his sister's birthday and she had a Tinkerbell party.  While Pumpkin was talking to them I gave Sparkle a hug and kiss and said, "You know what I wish?  I wish we could call your brothers on their birthdays."  He just said, "Yeah..."  He was busy listening to what Pumpkin was saying to his sister.  (She turned two today, so it's not much of a conversation but they both enjoy it.)

I know it's hard for Sparkle not to know his first family, especially because Pumpkin does have that opportunity.  It would be so cool for him to have even the tiniest connection to someone who cared for him before we met him.

Oh God...  (Seriously, this is a "help me, help me, help me" prayer.)

Comments

[Katie]

good grief, i don't know what to say! that definitely sounds like a tough situation! maybe the "rules" don't apply to foster parents?

i understand your desperation on this!

[Leah]

Oh fb how I love you! One step closer...I say contact and see what happens. Just think of the world that could open up for your sweet one?

We will be praying too.
L

[Heather]

Oh, wow.

I'd probably go for it and send her a message to let her know who you are. But it's easy for me to say that, since I'm not the one facing the decision!

[sunny]

I would verify this:
"agency told us that South Africa does not allow contact" with birth family.

I would find out whose rule that is. Is that an agency rule, a South African law, an USA immigration recommendation, etc.

Your agency may be explaining things to you in a way that is aligned with their agenda, not yours. And you may find that your intrepetation of the rules/laws/guidelines are much different.

Is there actually a law in South Africa that people who were adopted are not allowed to contact certain people? Who is constrained by the law, the adopted person (who had no say in the matter)? the adopted persons adoptive family? the adopted persons friends? the adoptive persons neighbors? The birth family? The birth family's friends? etc.

Obviously I am a huge proponent of adopted people having access to their birth family. To me this is a human rights issue.

anyway, i know my posts come across wrong sometimes. this is meant to be supportive of you and your son, I hope that comes across.

[Kelly]

We are in contact with Mea's foster mom via facebook, and it's awesome. She lives in the same state as us, but several hundred miles away. She gets to see pictures of my beautiful girl, and see how happy she is. She came to Mea's second birthday party, and we have a wonderful relationship. I would encourage you to make contact, if you can figure out the legal stuff, too. It's really nice to say to her, this is J, she took care of you until you came home.

[Corey]

Hmm. I am a little bit of a rule breaker. So my initial response is.. "can't contact.. or what happens?"

[Leigh]

I'd say go for it too. Knowing is better than not knowing, and if you can find any info. about his birth family that would be fantastic.

[Heidi]

I'm totally agreeing with Corey above. If it's something to help my kids, I'm a rule breaker!
Caution to the wind ~ perhaps she'll have baby pictures you've never seen? Maybe she'll have info you didn't get. Maybe not. But maybe.
How exciting... had you ever met her?
If I were a foster mom, I'd LOVE to hear how my babies were doing! But that's the kind of person I am. And, if she's a foster mom, shouldn't that mean she has a big heart?
Ack! Do share the rest of the story!
Thinking of you!!!
H

[mrs. r]

Hello! (i agree with sunny, btw!)

I am the Community Manager for AdoptionVoices.com--the rapidly growing adoption social network.

I wanted to personally invite you to participate in AdoptionVoices for free by adding a profile for yourself (or your family) and connecting with others who share a similar passion for adoption. You can events, create and host groups, upload success videos, etc. We think you would be a perfect fit!

To join, simply go to www.adoptionvoices.com and click on the "sign up" box in the top right corner.

It only takes about 5 minutes to set up a quick profile.

Please let me know if you have any questions; it would be my pleasure to assist you in any way I can.

See you on AdoptionVoices! ;)

[Maria Huber]

What a heartfelt post! I applaud your passion; it is an inspiration in the adoption community! Maria