Needing Help is Hard

We're going to have a little child care crisis this week.  Beloved will be gone most of the week, and I will be leaving the same day he comes home.  My flight leaves about six hours before his arrives.  So, what to do with the kids during those six hours?

One of Sparkle's teachers does occasional overnight child care in her home.  I don't know how often, exactly.  Apparently it happens often enough that it's worthwhile for her to offer that service for students at the school.  Most of the families have two working-outside-the-home parents, so I'm sure our situation isn't unusual.

Anyway, the current plan is for me to take the boys to school as usual that day.  At the end of the school day she will take them home with her, they will sleep (supposedly) at her house, and Beloved will pick them up in the morning. 

Our kids have never slept anywhere other than Grandma's house without us.  I'm nervous that they will either freak out with anxiety or melt down into horrible behavior at her house.

We do have some friends who live nearby with a son about Pumpkin's age.  Our kids have been to their house and played with their son many, many times.  They would probably be able to help us out.  I could drop the kids off at their house, and they could either sleep there or one of the parents could bring them over to our house to go to bed and then stay with the sleeping kids until Beloved gets home very late at night.

Option 2 seems like a much better choice for the kids.  The only problem is...  I cannot bring myself to ask our friends to help us.

I'm much more comfortable paying someone to watch my kids than asking someone to disrupt their own schedule for our sake.

I even wrote them an email, but couldn't send it.  I know we would absolutely do this kind of thing for a friend if need be, and we would be happy to be able to help them out in any way.  So why am I having so much trouble with this?

Comments

[susan]

I am the same way. I don't feel like I can ask for help or a favor from someone unless I've done something for them first. Not that I expect them to help me, just that I'm uncomfortable unless we already have a relationship of helping one another. Its hard to explain.

Good luck! I say be brave and send the email!

[Corey]

I don't know. Hey Mayhem, I've been thinking. I REALLY need to get away with my husband for awhile. Could you take 5 of my kids, plus the 2 dogs and 2 hamsters, for say... 5 days? You'd REALLY be helping a sister out.

See how small your request looks now? ;-)

[Caroline]

Just ask! I think you would take their child if they nedded it! It would so much easier forthe boys I think! And for you to go away! What is the worse thing they can answer you?

[t]

I think it is better to address these issues in the abstract when you are not needing help right at the time. So ask in a general way if they want to do overnight babysitting swaps with your family. You can then sort of feel out how open they really are to that kind of thing without putting them on the spot.

If they seem really enthusiastic you could let them know that what made you think about it is the upcoming trip and that you have a place for the kids to go this time, but were thinking in general they would be more comfortable with them. This again doesn't put them on the spot because you are letting them know you already have a place lined up.

or, just ask straight out but give them a way to say no graciously. If a friend needed me to take care of her kids I would rather she asked me directly but also said that it is no problem if I can't do it because she has another place lined up. That way if I could not do it on that date I wouldn't feel so badly saying no.

And I would rather be asked by email so I have a chance to figure out my schedule before I commit to anything.

[Heidi]

Go ahead and ask. I like the email idea, because I don't think good on the spot, but that's me. I'd also let them know your other option so that they can say no if they need without feeling bad.
I was just talking about this last night with a friend, I told her I just never ask, it's too hard. But we should, we really should.
So YOU start!
... and let me know how it goes. ;)

[Eos]

I understand...I have the same "hate to impose" disease!LOL I'd say (easier said than done of course) to go ahead and go on a limb...let them know what and why you need it but that if they can't or won't for any reason that it would be ok as you do have a second option so they shouldn't feel pressured.

Having said that, it is likely that I would have used the second option and if you do give the kids a number they can call at any time (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) if they just want to hear a familiar voice, a picture attached to a favorite stuffed animal/blanket, some snacks they can access when they want, etc., a coupon they can redeem when everything gets back to normal the following day, anything that would make that night easier for them...or maybe do a combo and if ok w/ the provider to have dad pick them up even if it's very late (you can offer the cost of another hour or so to make it more palatable for her to be willing to be awoken in the middle of the night!LOL)

Hope it works out!

[Leigh]

I think you said it first - asking for help is hard! It is so hard to ask someone to step out of their own daily routine and help us. As parents we tend to think we're supposed to be superparents that can do it all.

I totally understand I'm the same way. You will come up with the right solution for your family.

[Leah]

Thanks for noticing our matching outfits!!! I'm really into being matching on important occasions...my poor family.

L

[Kohana]

Do you have a babysitter that could pick the boys up from school, take them home, put them to sleep, and stay till hubby comes home?

I agree that asking for help is hard, especially when you've not already done something big for the other person. We are in the position of relying on help from new friends, here in Australia, and while it can be awkward, it is also heartening how readily people will step up to help when you need it. You might be pleasantly surprised if you ask your friends, and it may pave the way for more helping each other out in the future. Someone's got to ask first!

[wendy]

PLEASE ask your friend. they may be hurt to find out later that you *didn't* ask them. They may think you don't trust them. If I lived near you, I would be *happy* to help out. I am sure your friend feels the same way. And in the same vein, if a nearby friend of mine didn't rely on me for help, it would hurt my feelings. Don't be afraid to ask, especially since it sounds like the best option for your boys.

[Denise]

I just had the same thing happen... but had to unload 5 kids. It was a true emergency, and I had no choice but to ask friends. I hate, hate, hate asking for help! But I tell you, it felt so good to see how quickly everyone was to offer. 3 different families ended up taking a kid or two for the night. In fact... I need to blog about that!