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Comments

Blaine

Thanks for this post. I was moved by what you said about adopting boys, but felt very uncomfortable leaving a comment. I certainly don't want to cause conflict, but as the Mom of a newly adopted daughter, I am not in total agreement with the point of view expressed in the post or by the other commenters.

Our decision was made after quite a bit of thought, prayer and discussion. We did not enter the adoption process with a specific preference in mind, but eventually came to the conclusion that there was a need to bring some balance to our family. My oldest daughter really needed a sister after navigating the world with her three younger brothers for so long.

I definitely agree that families should enter into this journey with an open mind, but sometimes, there are reasons to request a certain gender. Even a GIRL. ;^)

sixletmama

I think I will always feel a little guilty about adopting girls when there are so many boys that wait--YOU didn't make me feel guilty, Amanda. I think I have always thought that we have adopted boys and are great with it, so we should just keep adopting them. But, the one time we did not request a gender, our child ended up being a girl. I know that we were meant to have these daughters. And with this last adoption, we prayed heavily about it and both knew it was the right thing for our family to have this specific child that is a girl for various reasons. It doesn't make the ache I feel for all of the waiting boys disappear, though. However, this is the way it is supposed to be for our family. I guess I am sharing this because of what Blaine said above. And also as the adoptive mom who has chosen to adopt girls, as a perspective maybe. I don't feel that we are choosing a girl over a boy per se, we are choosing the child that is right for our family--and she is a girl. (If none of this makes sense, blame it on how tired I am)! ;-)

stephanie

Thanks for bringing this up and generating such a thoughtful discussion. As prospective adoptive parents, my spouse and I are leaning towards the China program. Amanda, your initial comments illuminated for me why some members of my family seem so much more comfortable with us adopting from China than with other options. Not that this made me feel better about it, but it confirmed that I wasn't crazy for thinking that these prejudices might be at the root of their preferences. Our attraction to the China program is motivated by a lot of factors that have very little to do with race or gender, so I cringe when I get the feeling that people are relieved we're adopting an Asian (probably) female and not, say, an African or African-American boy. I really want to express gratitude for their general excitement over our adoption without perpetuating stereotypes about children of any color.

Amanda/Mayhem Mama

"I definitely agree that families should enter into this journey with an open mind, but sometimes, there are reasons to request a certain gender. Even a GIRL. ;^)" -Blaine

"I don't feel that we are choosing a girl over a boy per se, we are choosing the child that is right for our family--and she is a girl." -Wendy

"Our attraction to the China program is motivated by a lot of factors that have very little to do with race or gender" -Stephanie

Thanks, Ladies, for your comments. You have made your points well. I know that you have made your decisions thoughtfully, and I certainly don't disagree at all with how any of you are chosing to build your families.

stephanie

Thanks, Amanda. Just wanted to confirm that I don't have any problem with what you wrote in your first post, and wasn't offended by it at all.

Blaine

Ditto on the lack of offense. Just a different perspective. Ü

sixletmama

I, too, am so not offended, Amanda. :-)

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