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klorentzon

Hi, stumbled across your page when doing research about adopting from South Africa! How interesting to read of your adventures, etc! My husband and I (he's Swedish, I'm American--we live in Sweden) have recently made the decision to pursue adoption of a boy from South Africa! We are excited!

el-e-e

Not that I have any adopting experience, but I think you're spot on. I had "girl" thoughts while I was pregnant, and it's precisely because I am, in fact, a girl. :) We just "know" girl things. (of course, now that I have a boy, I wouldn't have it any other way!!) And yes, that "I'm feminist so I want a girl" comment was rather inane.

Leigh

Wow, very perceptive thoughts here, especially no. 2 about stereotyping. We've encountered those things many times.

Anyway, I think if I was a single woman adopting, I too would want a girl, mainly because I feel like boys benefit from long-term positive male role models. However, if a boy was offered, I would never reject a child based on his sex. As far as the feminist rationale for turning down a child, I can't make heads or tails of that.

For me, it was a little different. When we adopted, I was hoping for a boy, I really wanted a son, but I didn't feel comfortable enough to request something like that, nor would I. If we adopt again, I think I'd like to have another son, but I would never request a boy be placed with us. Growing up, I was closer to my dad and did tom boy kind of things, so maybe there is something to your theory about recreating good parts of those relationships you experienced growing up.

Your post about race and adoption are very insightful. I enjoy reading your site : )

AmericanFamily

I think you hit the nail on the head. I also suspect that Americans think Asian men are short/petite. Why this would matter, I don't know, but I have had people mention it in regards to wanting a girl. A is 6 foot tall and I saw lots of tall people in China my age (now that nutrition has improved the average height is increasing).

Erin

I totally agree, especially with number two.

It's funny, because once those boys are a part of your life, you can't imagine living without them. Boys are great!

Sylvie

I'm not white so I dont know why white people prefer Asian girls and African American girls. I am an adoptive parent though. When we first set out to adopt, I considered requesting a girl. I dont really know why, but for some reason I pictured a daughter. We did not specify sex, and I am glad I didn't. It didnt seem right at the time. Even though we didnt specify sex, I kept feeling we would be matched with a girl. Well needless to say we were matched with our son and reading your post reminded me that I wanted a girl....My goodness if I would have waited around for a girl I would not have the child that was supposed to be mine!
for number 2 again I am thinking, a little girl would be nice, but I could not imagine choosing.... parents who give birth can't choose what the end up having, I shoudlnt either. That's just me.

sixletmama

This has long been a topic of controversy in the adoption world. I do think that most adoptions are initiated by the wife, who usually envisions having a daughter. I also believe you are right about the stereotyping and fear of raising a non-White son. I have also heard people say they don't want to have an adopted (non-White) son carry on the family name. This last one has always angered me beyond belief--if you are fine with adopting, shouldn't that encompass *everything* about adoption?! I don't even know what to say about the feminist thing. Yikes.

I feel a little guilty because we are in the process to adopt our 4th daughter. But for me it's not so much the gender as it is Claire having a sister close in age to grow up with.

As the mother of three boys, I do NOT understand why more adoptive families don't give the boys a chance. Boys are terrific and funny and so full of energy. I can't imagine life without them.

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