Mayhem and Magic

Happy Thoughts!

Here's a happy picture!  Beloved finished building the jungle gym.  The boys have been swinging and sliding and climbing...  It's great!  It took about two minutes before they tried putting other random items down the slide besides their own little bottoms.  (Actual items down the slide:  a truck, a trike, many balls, grass, rocks, drinking glasses, and a banana.)  They've also gone down the slide headfirst, upside down and standing up ("surfing"-- how do they know what surfing looks like?).  No major injuries so far, thank goodness.

I have not called R yet.  I didn't want to call while I was anxious or upset.  And I do feel...  somewhat less anxious and upset.  Still confused. 

The ups and downs of an open adoption relationship are difficult to blog about, by the way.  There are privacy issues for sure, for R and Pumpkin in particular, and our whole family in general.  Would I tell you if for some reason (please, no) Baby A had been removed from R's care?  I'm not sure.  Would I tell you if R just...  I don't know... decided that Baby A was a lot of work and maybe it would be easier to leave her with someone else?  Again, not sure. 

Now, if her daycare fell through and she was left without any acceptable options?  That I would probably share, because then it's not just about our families, but also political and moral issues of justice, wealth, and race.  Those things, I think, need to be exposed and discussed without judgement or shame. 

Have I already stepped over a privacy line that should not be crossed?  If I never again blog about where Baby A is, you might assume the worst of R.

It's easier to talk about the things that are unreservedly positive.  Phone calls and letters and birthday cards from first family...  all good things.  Questioning the care and/or safety of a sibling?  Potentially not good, and much much harder to talk about in a postive way that does not contribute to negative stereotypes about open adoption or first families.

Back to the happy!

Yesterday I was blow drying my hair.  Both the boys like to watch this, and they love when I unexpectedly turn the blow dryer on their feet!  They just giggle and giggle and shriek about it.  Anyway, Pumpkin was watching admiringly, and when I turned off the hair dryer he told me,

"Momma, you look just like Ariel."

High, high praise indeed!

Overheard: Sparkle, at Age 5 Years + 3 Days

First of all, Sparkle has a loose tooth. I think.

He came to me this morning and said, "I think this tooth hurts."  (Bottom left tooth, by the way.) I checked it out, and it seems just the tiniest bit wiggle-y.  It's hard to tell, 'cause his whole head jiggles a little bit, no matter which tooth you tug on.  But my dad checked, too, and he agreed.

Oh my gosh...

He only turned five a few days ago.  I am just barely able to wrap my head around the fact that my baby is five years old.  Having a loose tooth is just...  just...  totally unacceptable.

(sigh)

Sparkle came grocery shopping with me a few days ago, right before we were going to make his birthday cake.  (It was just like Beloved's last birthday cake, per Sparkle's very specific request.)  He was rambling on about how great the cake was going to be, and how it was going to be huge.  HUGE!  Bigger than than the table!  Bigger than the house!  Bigger than the whole world!  And then he added, "But not bigger than God." 

Because a cake bigger than God is just impossible, while a cake bigger than the whole world-- why, that makes perfect sense.

On the way home, completely out of the blue he said, "Mom, some people think castles are just imaginary, but there are lots of real castles in Europe, actually, and especially in France.  Did you know that?"

And what do you know, he's right.  Of course.

I think year five is off to a good start.

(Such perfect little shining square teeth!  I can hardly stand to see them fall out!)

My Kids Rock

My kids are so great.

Yeah, lots of parents say this, and maybe I'm a little biased, and braggy moms are annoying.  But, jeepers creepers, mine are fabulous.

The boys and I went to a Superbowl get-together yesterday, and they were awesome.  They had a great time with the other little boy who was there.  They shared.  They played nicely.  They did not distract the adults from their conversations.  They entertained themselves.  Occasionally they came to me with some small crisis ("He's taking all the trains!"), but when I asked them to please work it out, they did.  Sparkle set a good example for the littler boys. 

I was so proud. 

Don't you know a few families that you would really rather not ever have over to your house, because their kids are unpleasant?  I do not think we are one of those families, and I'm so glad.  Small victories, maybe. ("Hey, we're not terrible!") 

I know that good behavior should be the default expectation.  And I know that bad days happen and they are still little ones.

But still, I was proud.  They made me feel like a good mom.  I know it's mostly that they are good kids, and we are a good team.  I can't take all the credit, but it was nice.

Then I yelled at them this morning.

Maybe not really yelled, but I definitely was not completely gentle and kind with them. 

You know Beloved is out of town, so I'm doing all the morning prep, getting the boys to school and then rushing too work.  (I take an hour off every AM and an hour off every PM when Beloved is gone, just to keep our schedule mostly on track, but still, it's just a bit of extra crazy in the morning when Beloved is gone.)  When we had 12 minutes before we had to be out the door, I was still wearing my pajama pants and none of us had brushed our teeth.  As I was trying to get dressed, both of them came running and crying to the bathroom door.  One was hurt ("I'm wounded!" he said), and the other was afraid he was going to be in trouble.  Meanwhile we were down to 11 minutes.  And I interrupted them and almost-yelled, "I can't deal with this right now!  I have to get dressed, BY MYSELF!"  And I closed the door.  And they both were devastated and crushed and horrified by the rejection.  Ack.  I was mad at them and mad at myself and mad at Beloved (for leaving me to deal with this, you know).  After about 20 seconds I opened the door and there were hugs and forgiveness all around.

We did manage to get to school on time, and it happened that they were coming out to the gymnastics bus as I was starting the car to leave.  They didn't know I was watching them.  Sparkle and Pumpkin were near each other in line, and Pumpkin got a little confused about where he was supposed to be going.  Sparkle was totally watching out for him, and ran back a few steps to Pumpkin, and put his arm around Pumpkin's shoulder and showed him where to go. 

Then on the way home at the end of the day, they were totally singing their hearts out and dancing in their car seats to a silly Hippopotamus Rock song.

They just melt my heart with their joy, and their kindness, and their soft, sweet, strong spirits.

   

Nocturnal

This morning when I went to get Sparkle up, he was already awake and looking out his bedroom window. 

"Mom!  Come here!  Come here, I want to show you something!" 

He beckoned like crazy to the window, and pointed to a neighbor's house behind us.

"Mom!  Their lights are on at night!  I saw the lights shining when it was dark out before I went to sleep.  Their lights are ON at night!  And now it's morning and their lights are off!  I think they're nocturnal!"

Cars

This morning Pumpkin wanted to play with his cars the moment he got out of bed. 

We've had to put the cars in a backpack high enough on the shelf that the boys can't reach it on their own.  When there are too many cars available the boys end up fighting over them.  So we usually distribute only one or two cars to each child at a time.

I lifted the backpack down from the shelf and set it on the floor of the playroom.  Pumpkin pulled it open and saw all the wonderful abundance of many, many toy cars.

"Wow..."

he said reverently.

"That's beautiful."

Overheard: So Sweet

We went camping with some friends this weekend in an area of Oregon where the ground is just fine dust all around.  So all the kiddos were absolutely filthy pretty much from the moment they got out of the vans.  They all had a blast.

Last night as the boys were brushing their teeth I asked Sparkle,

"What was your favorite part about camping this weekend?  Was it making s'mores?"

"No."

"Was it playing with Sam?"

"Umm, no."

"Was it...  Swimming?"

"No, Mama, more than that."

"Sleeping in a tent?"

"No, more than that."

"I give up.  What was your favorite part?"

"Coming home to our house."

All together now: Awwww....

Overheard Yesterday

Pumpkin was running around naked for a few minutes after his bath while I helped Sparkle with his lotion and pajamas.  Pumpkin passed just a little bubbly gas and stopped short.  He turned to me and said in surprise,

"I burped my butt!"