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Comments

Katie

I think your approach to all of this makes total sense.

You know your boys best, and you know the best way for them to "deal with" all the questions and situations they find themselves in. They seem to be doing that very well, and I think it seems like you have handled it all just right!

Can't wait for you to travel to South Africa as a family!

Caroline

We wrote a letter where we told the teachers what we call the birthmothers and birthfathers. Our boy asks a lot of questions about this, so it was important to us that the teachers know how we answers (he is 5). But the private part I tell people we are going to share that with our children first when they are old enough! They each have their story book with pictures to tell their own story. It is hard to explain in English!!!!
I think you did the right thing!!!!

Corey

My kids also count up the #s of moms and dads they have, and totally delight in it. Then they say "poor Jessica" (bio kid) because she only has 1 of each.

Maybe you could say "Biomom was not in a situation where she felt like she could parent (or parent another child) at that time. We're glad that we are able to maintain contact with her, because it's really such a gift for the boys to have contact with their first mom." (thus changing the subject a little bit)

Excited for your trip!
Corey

Mindy

Just my opinion, but I think preemptively preparing the kiddos is a good idea...I'm remembering a fellow blogger (a first-mom who is parenting her second daughter) whose parented child mentioned in her classroom that she has an older sister. The teacher actually argued with her in front of the class, if my memory serves, and the poor child went home crying her eyes out that night. I might have some details a little fuzzy, but I think that's the gist. So regardless of whether or not family structures are so "typical" these days, our kids will probably always run into well-meaning adults who think they know our family well enough to correct the children.

Sounds like you have a good handle on things. I agree with you...I think the information flow will have a way of working itself out over time.

Heidi

Nice post. All your thoughts are great. I'm glad you are at ease with how it will all work out.
When my 1st child started K-garten, I worried myself sick when it was his turn to be "Center Stage", bring in his poster of his life and tell about himself. I woke up @ 2am to write a letter to the teacher, I cried while writing. He was adopted, what would the other children say or ask of him? Should the teacher know how we discuss it and what our story is? I wouldn't be there to make sure all went okay and protect him. I was a mess.
All for nothing. My son did wonderful. He told his story, as much as he wanted, the others thought nothing different of him and were in awe of how many planes he'd been on already in his 5 years of life.
What I realized was, my children are okay because WE talk about it together and we talk about it proudly and with such happiness (that we are family with each other), and they exude this when they speak of it too. I am so proud of my children and how it is so matter of fact for them, yet so special too.
I never gave my 2am letter to that teacher.
Also, I will add, we don't know much of our children's history/relative info. But they proudly know this is were we were all supposed to be, together! :)
Good luck and keep doing the great job you sound like you are already doing. You are all so blessed to be together.

Happy mom

wow, that is a lot to digest. I love that you handle things so well, and that it will just work itself out, I agree with that, and again I am left wondering am I handeling my childrens adoptions as well as Amanda does, or good enough at all?

YOu know when I get asked why did she give him up? that one just makes me cringe! I hate that wording and I just wish that it wasn't the only way it seems to be phrased, I always repeat back the question in a form of she placed him because, because well I haven't been as good at waiting to share some info as you have, I thought I had held some of it, but I clearly haven't. and also, I don't get a lot of was the birth mom, I hear things like so do they share parents or just the mom, which I would like them to say birthmom or first mom. I am going to be doing some more deflecting starting today. thanks for keeping me thinking.

Leigh

You seem to have such a good handle on situations, it sounds like your answers are just fine and very appropriate to me.

We've dealt with the "why" question also and even questions of ethnicity since our son's eyes appear blue. I've only been asked once or so the why question and I say "it was just a decision she made that was best for her. You know?" That seems to do the trick. I really am not sure how much info. to give, so I just don't give any.

As far as brothers and sisters, we've told Dakota he has brothers and sisters, and when he tells people, they argue him down that he does not. He is very proud of the fact that he has siblings and tells everyone.

louise

I am so excited abt your trip to SA. What an amazing opportunity. You should totally look up Tertia (tertia.org) while you are there! :-0

I love your last paragraph on this post. Out of the mouth of babes! Too funny.

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