First Family Update: Confused, Anxious, Sad

Yesterday we got a letter from Pumpkin's first mom, R.

We let Pumpkin open it, and Beloved video taped. 

We always record him opening letters or packages, because R enjoys seeing his reactions.  (We send her a copy of the DVD once we've completed the tape.)

Anyway...

Anyway, there were pictures!

Pictures of Baby A!!

Pumpkin was looking at the pictures himself, so I couldn't look closely right away, but even at a distance I could see immediately that Baby A looks...  exactly...  like Pumpkin.  An 7-month-old Pumpkin with a pink headband.

She is a beautiful baby.  A smiling, happy, chubby baby.

So, we all looked at the pictures and admired Baby A and R.  Pumpkin was most excited to see a picture of himself in the background of one of the snapshots from R's house.

And then we read the letter, and R seems to be doing fine.

Except.

Baby A is not living with her right now.

.......

Baby A is not living with her!

What the hell is going on?!

R mentioned it almost in passing.  Baby A is staying in the city where R used to live.  No relatives there that we know of.  R said it was going to be until the end of her summer quarter in July.  That's at least three months.  We thought that a major part of the reason R moved to her current place was specifically because there was available, affordable child care for Baby A while R was in school.

I am almost afraid to call her.

I can't imagine any reason why Baby A would have been taken from R against her will. 

But I also cannot imagine any reason why R would voluntarily leave Baby A to be cared for by ?????, well, anyone else!  For a period of several months!  Hours away from where R herself is living!

And I know, I know, I know...  R's life is her own.  She can make whatever decisions she feels are appropriate for her daughter.

But we are still left very confused.  And honestly, worried.  And sad.

Is there some explanation that will be positive, reassuring, normal?

Who has Baby A??  Why?  When is she coming back?

Maybe I'll read this post later and think, "Well, that's embarrassing.  My entitlement was showing the whole time..."  But I want to know what's going on.

Comments

[Krissy Poopyhands]

Oh, I'm sorry. I can totally see why that would be upsetting. This, I think, is what frightens me most about open adoption.

I hope it turns out okay. I hope she's with someone trustworthy. I'm sorry.

It seems as though, as Pumpkin's mom, you should somehow be responsible for Pumpkin's siblings. I'm sorry that that isn't true. I wish it was.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

[Leah]

I think it is ok to want to know what is going on. Baby A is part of your family...I will be praying for you and your family.
L

[Heidi]

well it is easy to have these fellings when you are connected as a family.

I am sorry for the confusion and frustration, I hope you get answers, I know I would want them.

[Kohana]

Oh, this is tough and I'm feeling for you.

I had to laugh when you said "my entitlement is showing"! It sounded like "my slip is showing" or something embarassing like that. :)

I can relate on this topic - my email box is always open. :) :(

[Laundry & Children]

I don't think that it is odd that you have these feelings. You have an investment in this person and her children. Worry and curiosity are a very natural response. Also, look on the bright side. She trust you enough to share this with you. I pray to God that someday we get a letter from our kids' birthmom that is more than "Give me my kids back" (we've gotten two of those). Try not to feel guilty about your feelings. I think it would have been worse to have been completely apathetic and thought, "Oh well. That's her life and I don't care."

[haze]

I hope you get some answers soon. At least she shared that bit of information with you.

I don't think you are feeling entitlement. Baby A is Pumpkin's sibling so of course you worry about her and want the best for her. And you want her mother to FIGURE IT OUT and quickly, for the baby's sake.

[Leigh]

Your worry and concern are definitely understandable. I think had it been me, I would feel the same way, and I'd keep worrying until I could find out more. Those are folks you love and that are family, very understandable indeed. I hope there is an uncomplicated, simple explanation.