Mayhem and Magic

Six Random Updates

1. The Big Baby Shower was this weekend.  Oh my word...  I was a bit stressed.  The momma is a good friend of mine, and the baby shower was important to her, so I wanted it to be perfect. 

Beloved picked up the flowers and the cakes for me on Saturday morning, and neither was what I ordered!  I was mad.  Then I remembered that my children are not buried under cement rubble, there is a reliable clean water supply directly to my home, and my family is not starving or destitute.  Not getting the cake or flowers I ordered does not actually qualify as a problem in the grand sceme of things.

2. Three weeks ago we started a "Family Money" system.  We're going to start working on the concepts of money, saving, purchasing decisions, working for money, and responsibility. 

Pumpkin, in true Pumpkin form, does not care much at all about Family Money.  He does not care about earning it, though he very much dislikes the consequence of losing it.  Sparkle, also in true Sparkle form, loves the idea of decision-making and saving.  He counts his "money" every night.  He sets his mind on a goal and really does not waver much at all.  Later I'll post more about the system we chose and how it's going so far.  I'd like to get ideas from other parents on how best to make this work!

3. Beloved left today and will be gone most of the week.  Hate this, hate, hate, hate... 

My mother-in-law is coming for a week in June to help me out while he is gone on another work-related trip.  That is a whole 'nother kind of stress.

4. It was 100 degrees outside this weekend.  We set up a little pool and a sprinker in the back yard.  We bought our first watermelon of the year.  The boys ran around the yard in swimming suits, with their bellies all sticky from dripping watermelon juice on themselves.  It really felt like summer.

5. YMCA soccer starts again in a few weeks.  Sparkle will have the same coach and some of the same teammates as last year.  This, of course, is only assuming that I can get him registered in time which will be tricky with our schedule this week.  I'm not sure when I'll actually be able to get to the YMCA office to register.

6.  I talked to R. last week.  She was visiting her old home town and was taking Baby A home with her when she left.  It was not a long conversation, and there was a lot of background noise.  I'm not sure if Baby A is coming with her because the other person didn't want to or couldn't care for her any longer, if R just missed her, if there was a daycare situation that was resolved in R's current location, or what.  I am just relieved that, for now at least, Baby A is with R.  I hope at some point to get more information about why/how Baby A ended up NOT being with R for a while.  I hope that I can ask without being pushy or intrusive or judgemental.

Have a good Monday!

Lamps and Backyard Boxes

We ordered new lamps for the living room a loooong time ago and they finally arrived, so we picked them up at the furniture store today.

Beloved put the two boxes in the back of the van, and I wondered which one contained the floor lamp because neither box seemed tall enough.

Having never before purchased a lamp costing more than $50, I mistakenly assumed that when you pay a bajillion dollars for a specially-ordered floor lamp that it arrives as a fully assembled lamp.  Do not be misled, any of you shopping for floor lamps!  All floor lamps come in pieces with a long wire through the parts, whether you buy them at Wal-Mart for $10 or a fancy furniture store for way, way more.

The kids were asking to play with the boxes before we even got home.

Remember how we purchased a lovely jungle gym and Beloved sweat and labored for days to get it all put together?  Well, the boys were just as thrilled with the lamp boxes as they were with the jungle gym. 

First they pretended that Sparkle was a daddy lion and Pumpkin was a mama hippo, and they lived next door to one another in their separate caves.

Pretty soon someone was invading someone else's space.

And things quickly degraded from there into some kind of wrestling match.

That's really pretty much how it always ends up around here anyway... 

Light Bright

Sparkle got a Light Bright for his birthday, and I'm surprised by how much he likes it.  The car was the very first picture he finished, and he was very proud.  He's not usually so into following instructions!  But he put every darn little peg through that pattern, determined to finish the whole "work"!

Happy Thoughts!

Here's a happy picture!  Beloved finished building the jungle gym.  The boys have been swinging and sliding and climbing...  It's great!  It took about two minutes before they tried putting other random items down the slide besides their own little bottoms.  (Actual items down the slide:  a truck, a trike, many balls, grass, rocks, drinking glasses, and a banana.)  They've also gone down the slide headfirst, upside down and standing up ("surfing"-- how do they know what surfing looks like?).  No major injuries so far, thank goodness.

I have not called R yet.  I didn't want to call while I was anxious or upset.  And I do feel...  somewhat less anxious and upset.  Still confused. 

The ups and downs of an open adoption relationship are difficult to blog about, by the way.  There are privacy issues for sure, for R and Pumpkin in particular, and our whole family in general.  Would I tell you if for some reason (please, no) Baby A had been removed from R's care?  I'm not sure.  Would I tell you if R just...  I don't know... decided that Baby A was a lot of work and maybe it would be easier to leave her with someone else?  Again, not sure. 

Now, if her daycare fell through and she was left without any acceptable options?  That I would probably share, because then it's not just about our families, but also political and moral issues of justice, wealth, and race.  Those things, I think, need to be exposed and discussed without judgement or shame. 

Have I already stepped over a privacy line that should not be crossed?  If I never again blog about where Baby A is, you might assume the worst of R.

It's easier to talk about the things that are unreservedly positive.  Phone calls and letters and birthday cards from first family...  all good things.  Questioning the care and/or safety of a sibling?  Potentially not good, and much much harder to talk about in a postive way that does not contribute to negative stereotypes about open adoption or first families.

Back to the happy!

Yesterday I was blow drying my hair.  Both the boys like to watch this, and they love when I unexpectedly turn the blow dryer on their feet!  They just giggle and giggle and shriek about it.  Anyway, Pumpkin was watching admiringly, and when I turned off the hair dryer he told me,

"Momma, you look just like Ariel."

High, high praise indeed!

First Family Update: Confused, Anxious, Sad

Yesterday we got a letter from Pumpkin's first mom, R.

We let Pumpkin open it, and Beloved video taped. 

We always record him opening letters or packages, because R enjoys seeing his reactions.  (We send her a copy of the DVD once we've completed the tape.)

Anyway...

Anyway, there were pictures!

Pictures of Baby A!!

Pumpkin was looking at the pictures himself, so I couldn't look closely right away, but even at a distance I could see immediately that Baby A looks...  exactly...  like Pumpkin.  An 7-month-old Pumpkin with a pink headband.

She is a beautiful baby.  A smiling, happy, chubby baby.

So, we all looked at the pictures and admired Baby A and R.  Pumpkin was most excited to see a picture of himself in the background of one of the snapshots from R's house.

And then we read the letter, and R seems to be doing fine.

Except.

Baby A is not living with her right now.

.......

Baby A is not living with her!

What the hell is going on?!

R mentioned it almost in passing.  Baby A is staying in the city where R used to live.  No relatives there that we know of.  R said it was going to be until the end of her summer quarter in July.  That's at least three months.  We thought that a major part of the reason R moved to her current place was specifically because there was available, affordable child care for Baby A while R was in school.

I am almost afraid to call her.

I can't imagine any reason why Baby A would have been taken from R against her will. 

But I also cannot imagine any reason why R would voluntarily leave Baby A to be cared for by ?????, well, anyone else!  For a period of several months!  Hours away from where R herself is living!

And I know, I know, I know...  R's life is her own.  She can make whatever decisions she feels are appropriate for her daughter.

But we are still left very confused.  And honestly, worried.  And sad.

Is there some explanation that will be positive, reassuring, normal?

Who has Baby A??  Why?  When is she coming back?

Maybe I'll read this post later and think, "Well, that's embarrassing.  My entitlement was showing the whole time..."  But I want to know what's going on.

Scripture Memory for Kids

Pre-schoolers have crazy-amazing memories, have you noticed?  They can pick up anything!

I was talking to my mom a while ago about possibly having the boys do an AWANA-type program.  (Do you remember those?  I went to AWANA for years!)  Mom said that if she had it to do over again she would not have put us (my sibs and I) through AWANA, because there was too little flexibility and too much pressure. 

Maybe the programs have been changed since I was in AWANA (20 years ago!), but they were pretty darn conservative back then.  Maybe that was where I learned that in order to be a good Christian you have to vote Republican.  (Just kidding.) (Only kind of.)

Anyway, my mom said something forehead-slappingly obvious which had never occurred to me.  She said, "You know, you could just help them memorize some Bible verses at home."

Doh!

(I'm actually slightly nervous about outing myself as a parent who would like her kids to learn Bible verses from memory.  Though I am pretty darn honest about myself and our family, somtimes as a blogger I avoid being "too" anything-- too judgemental, too opinionated, too religious, too political, too pro or anti adoption, etc, etc, oh give me a break, no one can be all things to everyone! I don't think I'm one of Those Parents, though.  Hang in there with me.)

So, we started with an experimental memory verse:

"Jesus said, 'I am the Beginning and the Ending.' " Revelation 22:13

They had that down in about five minutes.

So every few weeks we've been working on a new verse, practicing and talking about it before bedtime each night.  And, hello?  My kids are doing awesome!  I'm bragging on them just a little, but mostly I think they're just at an age that it comes relatively easily for them. 

The next one had to be:

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Ephesians 6:1

That took maybe two evenings.

We stuck with just those two for a while, then added:

"Do not be afraid, because I am with you.  Do not be dismayed, because I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

They continued to surprise me with how easily and how well they memorized this.

Since then they have also learned:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son.  Whoever believes in him will not die, but will have everlasting life.  God did not send his son into the world to punish people, but to rescue them." John 3:16-17

and

"Dear Zion, don't give up; the Lord your God is with you.  He is a strong warrior to win the battle.  He will take great delight in you.  He will quiet your fears in his love.  He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:16-17

Pumpkin is fastest to learn them.  Sparkle would be mostly uninterested, I think, except that he wants to do as well as Pumpkin.  Mostly, we just practice saying them together, talk about what they mean, and cheer for ourselves.

Some cool conversations have come out of this, too. 

One night I told Pumpkin (about something totally unrelated), "I'm so proud of you!" and he asked, "Do you take great delight in me?"  (from Zephaniah 3:16-17).  I told him, "YES!  Yes, you are a wonderful boy and I DO take great delight in you!"

We talked about what it meant when God said he would "uphold us with (his) righteous right hand." Sparkle's idea is that it's "just like holding hands" and gave the example of holding his Dad's hand when walking in a parking lot or on a slippery sidewalk. 

Oh, my heart!!

I do want their pictures of God to be like that-- someone whose hand you hold when you need to be kept safe, a hand you can grip tightly when you slip to keep you from falling.