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Pumpkin has had a bit of a cold lately. Here he is at the breakfast table one morning, after his nose had been running without tissue intervention all night long. Yep, that is dried snot smeared over his face and his arm. Ewww...
The cold hasn't seemed to bother him at all, in spite of the nasty nose and the cough. Happily, he is recovering just fine.
Sparkle ended up having a lovely birthday! He had several "birthdays," actually, and enjoyed them all.
First, there was the School Birthday:
See the "sun" on the floor with the months arranged like spokes around it? It's a bit hard to see in this picture, but of course I couldn't post any pictures showing other kids. I think most Montessori schools do this birthday activity. The child holds a model of the earth, stands on name of his birthday month, and as the class sings he walks once around the sun, stopping on his birthday month again. (The song cracks me up: "The earth goes around the sun, tra-la, the earth goes around the sun! Around and around and around and around! The earth goes around the sun, tra-la!") Then he shows a picture of himself at one year old, puts one "candle" in the cake, and does it all again. At the end, they talk about how he's grown, and the teacher asks him to set a goal for the next year.
For a very kinetic kiddo like Sparkle, it's a fabulous way to learn.
Then there was the Friends Birthday:
After all our discussion of what to do and how, we ended up doing the easiest thing ever. We rented a "bounce arena" for 90 minutes. We invited mostly church and work friends, and there were about 25 people total including parents. The kids ran and bounced and yelled, and I was worry-free because it was not my house and minimal preparation was required. (That's Beloved over there, bouncing with Pumpkin.) Then we all had pizza and cake.
Sparkle did open presents at his party!! I know! After all my whining!
We did practice gift-opening manners the day before the party. I grabbed a blank card and some random small toys. I wrapped each item in a plastic bag and Sparkle opened them. He practiced looking at the card first, saying the name of the giver, opening the gift, and saying "Thank you!" clearly while making eye contact with the giver. (No hurried, half-hearted, mumbled thank yous while rushing to the next gift!) I even grabbed a couple of silly things, like a pair of Pumpkin's socks off the floor, for him to pretend to unwrap, so he could practice saying thank you no matter what the gift was! He and Pumpkin both thought the dirty socks were pretty funny as a pretend gift!
(Just because we decided to let him open gifts at the party doesn't mean I was gonna get all relaxed or easy-going about it! I must create stress, even when there is none!)
Finally, we had the Family Birthday:
I was much less... obsessive picky... about the gift-opening manners.
I told him he could choose what we had for his birthday dinner and he wanted fruit slush. Anything else? Nope, just fruit slush. He told me several times that he was only going to eat fruit slush for his birthday dinner, nothing else. I don't think he believed me when I told him that was fine, and he could have as much fruit slush as he could fit in his belly. The rest of us had some spaghetti, and I think Sparkle ate a few noodles, but he did chow down on the fruit slush.
Sparkle helped make his cake, and had fun blowing out the candles. Those are my headless parents up there in the second picture.
And with three separate birthdays to celebrate, Sparkle is very officially five!
I've been recording Jon & Kate Plus 8 for about the last six weeks. Does anyone know, where the heck are those children's grandparents? I've never heard them mentioned. There has only been one couple (Jodi and ???) related to Kate on the show since I've been watching.
Are they totally estranged from their parents and families for some reason? Have they all passed away?
Also, and this is totally unrelated, there are two little girls in Sparkle's class named Michelle. And one named Micole (like Nicole with an M). I don't dislike the names, necessarily, but it surprises me to hear them on four and five year olds when they sound like 80s names to me.
Are 80s names back "in"?
We're planning our trip to South Africa now, which is very exciting. Someone else (a travel agent we know in South Africa) is going the nitty-gritty stuff for us, like making reservations at places where we'll stay, getting a car, and that kind of thing. Nice...
I've been thinking about what it will be like to be a conspicuous family in South Africa. When we met Sparkle there, I occasionally felt surprised by reactions we got. Looking back, I'm not sure if I was surprised by the responses themselves, or just surprised because being conspicuous was new to us.
And actually, there really were not that many times when anyone seemed to care in the least. No one congratulated us or thanked us (like I've heard adoptive parents with children from China talk about). A few (Black) workers in a restaurant were curious about our story and asked us if we really loved Sparkle. They made mildly disapproving noises about the idea of a mother placing a child for adoption. Once an older white lady kind of hissed at us when she looked in our stroller and saw that our baby wasn't white. Very weird.
But overall, not that many people seemed to notice our family, which was fine with us. Except that sometimes I could not believe that not every single person wanted to stop and coo over this baby who was clearly the most adorable infant ever.
Here in the U.S., I think we handle being a conspicuous family pretty well. Mostly, we just... act like a family. I don't want to blow off the significance of being aware of surroundings and aware of trying to make sure our kids don't get the spotlight put on them, but sometimes (often, even) what works best is to refuse to be uncomfortable. We mostly do our thing, expecting to be treated well and not be questioned. If someone wants to act like our family is odd or whatever, we don't necessarily make it easy for them.
When someone asks, for example, "Are they brothers?" we feel totally okay with giving them a long, confused, blank look... (long enough for them to feel just a bit uncomfortable) And then saying, "Yes!"
(Here's another post about that question in particular, from a mini-set of postings in the category Adoption FAQ.)
That's kind of a simplistic summary, but you get the drift.
I'm not sure if that's how it will work in South Africa. I'm not sure what to expect. Here, I don't feel too much obligation to satisfy people's curiosity. But maybe in South Africa we might need to plan on being "adoption ambassadors" just a bit more? Maybe we should be more open, knowing that many people in South Africa need to see a positive picture of adoption? I just don't know.
(Are they brothers? Are you kidding me? They're so darn brotherly I can hardly stand it! I so wish this picture was clearer because I love it! But it's fun anyway, even if it is blurry.)
Last week was so fun.
The kids had a blast with my parents. They went swimming, did craft projects, baked, wrestled, played soccer, read a million books... Every single fun thing that kids do with their grandparents, they did. Quality time was spent, memories were made, photographs were taken.
My mom and I went furniture shopping, and I bought a chair for the living room. We rearranged some furniture. She helped me look at paint samples and start on some other fun home decorating projects. (I'm kind of terrible at home decorating sometimes. Certainly I lack confidence at it. So when my mom is here I almost always recruit her to help me with one or two things.)
Beloved bought a play structure from CostCo, and he's been working hard to get it all put together. His hands are bruised from pushing down on the drill! It's not done, but it's getting there. (And isn't that an oxymoron-- "play structure?" Weird.) We're planning to put in a sand box around some (or all?) of the jungle gym ("jungle gym" is better than "play structure", isn't it?), which I know the boys will love. It makes me happy to anticipate them playing in the sand this summer, and it makes me feel like we're making progress on those things I have felt like we are "behind" on. (Here's a post about that from a while back.)
I took a few days off last week, and it really felt almost like a vacation.
So... This week is kind of lousy. I am working all week (usually I have Fridays off). Ugh.
The weekend was sunny and warm. The boys played in a sprinkler in the back yard. The last few days have been cloudy and raining. Seems appropriate.
Here's a picture from a sunnier day last weekend! That's Pumpkin, skipping through the sprinkler. His swim suit is on backwards, but who cares.
The second picture is of fearless Sparkle at the pool, about to leap in regardless of depth or adult supervision. Later he may appear to be drowning, but if you come near him he sputters and bubbles, "Don't help me!" Then he must be saved, though he will protest that he was just about to stroke gracefully to the side of the pool all on his own.
First of all, Sparkle has a loose tooth. I think.
He came to me this morning and said, "I think this tooth hurts." (Bottom left tooth, by the way.) I checked it out, and it seems just the tiniest bit wiggle-y. It's hard to tell, 'cause his whole head jiggles a little bit, no matter which tooth you tug on. But my dad checked, too, and he agreed.
Oh my gosh...
He only turned five a few days ago. I am just barely able to wrap my head around the fact that my baby is five years old. Having a loose tooth is just... just... totally unacceptable.
(sigh)
Sparkle came grocery shopping with me a few days ago, right before we were going to make his birthday cake. (It was just like Beloved's last birthday cake, per Sparkle's very specific request.) He was rambling on about how great the cake was going to be, and how it was going to be huge. HUGE! Bigger than than the table! Bigger than the house! Bigger than the whole world! And then he added, "But not bigger than God."
Because a cake bigger than God is just impossible, while a cake bigger than the whole world-- why, that makes perfect sense.
On the way home, completely out of the blue he said, "Mom, some people think castles are just imaginary, but there are lots of real castles in Europe, actually, and especially in France. Did you know that?"
And what do you know, he's right. Of course.
I think year five is off to a good start.
(Such perfect little shining square teeth! I can hardly stand to see them fall out!)
My parents are here! They came to celebrate Sparkle's birthday and to help me out while Beloved is out of town. We're having Sparkle's family birthday party tomorrow, even though his actual birthday was yesterday.
He's been a bit concerned because he had two "birthdays" (one at school and one with friends), and yet still wasn't five. (Sheesh, what's a guy got to do to actually turn five around here? I can see why he was mildly distressed, poor guy.) Yesterday he came to talk to me while I was getting ready for work, and I told him it was his real birthday, and he was now five years old.
He was pleased. (Finally!) He said, "Now I'm five. Four is passed away... It's a little bit sad."
I've been teasing him saying, "I thought I told you to quit growing! You stop it right now! No more growing up!" all in a very obviously dramatic and teasing way. He loves it. He loves knowing that we are watching him grow up. He's told me a few times, kind of seriously, "Mom, that's just what kids do... They keep growing up."
I've also teased him (again very dramatically) with, "I think we'll just skip your birthday this year, and you can stay four. You don't like cake anyway. You don't like presents. Maybe you can turn five next year." He thinks it's hilarious! But twice he's asked, "We can't really skip my birthday, can we, Mom? We're just teasing."
He's such a sweet boy! Have I mentioned that?
Both Beloved and I have made sure to tell him, "We're so proud of how you're growing! We miss the baby boy you used to be a little bit, but we love who you are now, and we can't wait to see all the things you'll learn and do when you're five, and then when you're six, and sixteen, and a grown up man!"
Words are important to him, and we can see his chest swell when he knows we're proud, or when he imagines himself as a real, strong grown-up man.
I'll post pictures after our family party tomorrow, and tell you about our friend party as well.
In the meantime,
Happy birthday, my wonderful Sparkle!
There's a farm supply store near us that has what we call "chick day" every spring. It's the day when all of their baby ducks and chicks and poultry of various kinds arrive. They make kind of a big deal of it, and all the cool people who actually raise their own poultry come with their boxes to pick up their chicks and their new heat lamps, and what ever else baby chicks need. A local 4H club brings their animals, and there is a little petting zoo in the parking lot. Employees serve free hot dogs and soda.
We've gone to "chick day" every year since Sparkle was one year old, and the boys really look forward to it. The first year Pumpkin went, he was only six months old, but he waved his arms and squealed when we showed him the chicks and ducks and other animals. He still loves animals and he was excited to hold some chicks and ducks on his own this year.
Look at his sweet face! Look at his proud smile! Look at his gentle little hands!
We got to pet some very fluffy rabbits.
And some fuzzy lambs. (Their names were Guy and Gus.)
And a goose. (The goose honked and startled Pumpkin, but he still wanted to reach over and touch his feathers.)
AND!! A puppy... He kissed it. He held it on his lap and patted it gently. He asked several times if we could bring it home. He was so incredibly cute (Pumpkin, not the puppy, though the puppy was kinda cute too), that I almost said yes.
Sparkle was there as well, but we don't have any pictures of him enjoying the animals. He was pouting because we would not let him have Coke. Hot dog, yes. Coke, no. Now, we've never let him have Coke, ever, so I don't know why he was surprised by this. And it's not because we're food-snobby parents. Hot dogs are certainly no more healthy than Coke. But at least hot dogs don't have caffeine. Our Coke-refusal is 100% selfishly motivated. I dread the day that my crazy kids get ahold of caffeine.
So anyway, Sparkle was pouting semi-quietly-- stomping after us as we walked around, crossing his arms when we asked him if he wanted to hold a chick. After a little while Beloved just took him home and put him down for a nap. He doesn't take naps too often any more, but he conked right out, thank goodness. And woke up cheerful, thank goodness again.
But Pumpkin and I stayed and had a lovely time admiring all the animals. He's already asked when we get to have "chick day" again.
Some friends of ours have a son who is two years old who has been very sick with aplastic anemia for the last year. He had a bone marrow transplant just over two weeks ago, and though the graft is beginning to "take" he is unable to fight off any illness and developed pneumonia while in the hospital.
Baby J and his family have been in my thoughts and prayers daily for months. In the last few days, I think of them continuously, praying for Baby J as constantly as I can.
I recieved an email from his mom today with the subject "close to the end."
It has been such a long struggle for Baby J, and now most of his support and medications have been removed, and his dad is on his way to the hospital (several hours drive) to say good-bye before his ventilator is removed.
Here is a portion of an email Baby J's mama sent yesterday:
"I really have no inkling or idea of what God will do about the outcome for J. I am clueless if J. will live or die. I am clueless if he will linger for weeks and months and then die; or if he will struggle for weeks and months and recover. I am clueless about what the next minute will bring let alone tomorrow or next week.
What I do know; what is before me bright and constant; is my Father's love. I can feel His presence hovering around J morning and night. I can feel His hand on my head, and hear Him whisper encouraging sweet assurances in my ear.
But I do not know what is ahead in the coming days. I do not know if our sweet J will be be here another week or another day. I do not know how we will all cope or survive if we do lose him.
All those things I do not know are NOTHING to what I do know. I do know God is ever and forever faithful. I do know that He adores J. I do know that He can and is able to heal J. I do know in His perfect wisdom He may not choose to heal J. I do know that either way, God will be glorified.
And that is the answer to our prayer. That is what we have from the beginning prayed first and foremost. "Please Father... in this heartache for J and his illness. In being separated as a family. In this whole big crazy extraordinary situation... Please Father above all else... may it all bring glory to You."
You are all pretty smart and creative folks, right? Could you help me out with a baby shower I'm planning?
The sweet mama is expecting twin girls!
I want the shower to be a little bit "fancy" and girl-y and very pretty, but not expensive. There will probably be about 20 guests. They will all be women, and most of them know each other at least a little. It will be held at my house on a Saturday from 1 to 3 PM.
I also hosted the baby shower for the same friend's first pregnancy (one little girl) three years ago, and the theme was centered around a "sweet pea" invitation, with green and purple colors. The "two peas in a pod" theme would have been good for twins, but darn it, I used that already!
I decided to decorate mostly with pink and green, and try to bring in the twin thing in other ways. I figured pink and green decorations should be easy to find, since it's spring. Turned out to be a little trickier than I expected. Most things I've seen so far have been very pastel, and I was hoping for the colors to be a bit brighter. But that's okay.
So these are the invitations: http://www.tinyprints.com/products/ProductView_2793.htm
Aren't they pretty?
We're going to do two Games:
-- sock matching game (The team of 2-3 people who can match about 30 pairs of mixed-up baby socks the fastest wins.)
-- "famous pairs" memory game (I have a list of about 100 pairs of things, like "peaches and cream," etc, and the list will be printed out, with either the first or second part missing. Those who can complete the most pairs within 2 minutes win.)
Is that enough for games? Can you think of any other "twin-ish" baby shower games that would be better?
Prizes, by the way, will be packages of Double Stuffed Oreos, Double Mint Gum, or Twix candy bars. (Any other good ideas for prizes?)
Decorations will be pink and green tableclothes (one a vintage floral, the other just solid colored), pink and green paper plates and napkins, pink tulips in crystal vases, and some pink and white hyacinth flowers that are growing in my kitchen and will hopefully be blooming at the right time.
And Food...
There will be two small cakes, both white with some pink and green floral-type decoration, but one a little more pink and the other a little more green. They will be different flavors/colors inside, I think lemon with strawberry filling and the other white with raspberry filling? These are being made by a professional baker/cake decorator whom I've used before and I know they will be lovely and delicious.
I'd like to have food pairings that are pink/green and a little matchy but different (like twins, you know!), but I'm not sure what else to do for food. Maybe a fruit platter with kiwi and strawberry slices? Pink lemonade and lemon water? What else? I'm very stumped on the food.
My friend is looking forward to this shower, and I really want it to be nice for her. Have you been to any baby showers for twins that were pretty and twin-y and fun? Do you have any ideas?
