Adult Sibling Relationships

Well, the day after I wrote about Pumpkin's toilet stubbornness, he spontaneously used the toilet all day, for everything, with almost no reminders or encouragement.  It didn't last...  I have decided to ignore the issue for a while, just to avoid frustration.  I put a pull-up on him for church today, rather than worry about taking him to the bathroom before Sunday school.

I've been thinking about what Krissy said about Pumpkin's attitude regarding discipline meaning that he won't care too much what other people think when he's older. 

Isn't it funny how the things we love most about a person are also the things that drive us crazy?  I've mostly heard people talk about that as it relates to romantic partners, but it's true regarding kids as well.

It sometimes frustrates me that Pumpkin seems to care less about being disciplined.  But I do think that as an older child and adult he will be more able to think for himself and less prone to blindly following his peers.

Sparkle, on the other hand, though I love his soft, sweet heart, seems like the kind of kid who might be devastated when he's disappointed by other people, and more likely to go along with potentially bad ideas in order to maintain his friendships. 

If we can teach Pumpkin to follow the lead of people he knows are wise, he'll be okay.  If we can teach Sparkle that the most important relationships to maintain are with God and with his family, he'll be okay.

I think their personalities will serve them well with the right guidance, and with God's grace.

I've also be wondering how the boys will relate to each other as they grow up.  I know quite a few people who have siblings with whom they have little or no relationship.  It doesn't seem to bother them. 

But, oh, I want my boys to value each other and support each other and enjoy one another's company, even when Beloved and I are long gone.

I wish there was a way to guarantee that they will be friends when they're older.  We do make a point of saying things like, "You boys are good brothers," and "Brothers are brothers, no matter what,"  and "Work it out with your brother-- he's your brother and you're good friend, and you need to get along."  Every once in a while they'll spontaneously hug one another and one will say, "This is my good brother" or something.  That completely melts my heart.  I love, love, love that they watch out for one another at school.

Growing up, I was closest to my next oldest brother.  We actually did a good job of staying connected through college, and then kind of lost touch a little bit.  I got married and moved to Washington, for starters, so it was just harder.  Now I'm definitely closer to my sister, who is adorable and funny and smart and fabulous in every way.  (Hi, Hwang!) 

Even though my siblings and I are not all the very, very closest of friends, I quite sure that we all like each other and we all basically get along really well.  We enjoy spending time together, though it's pretty rare that we're actually all in the same place at the same time.

I'm trying to think if there was anything about our childhoods or anything our parents did to help us stay close and maintain friendships, but I'm just not sure.  Maybe I'll ask them when they're here.

(Next week!  Hooray!)

Comments

[Krissy Poopyhands]

Hooray that your parents are coming!

I know that with regard to siblings, in my family there is a phenomenon that seems to happen similar to what you describe. When families are young and money is thin there is a distance. In all cases I've seen that when the parents get older and require more care there is a great coming together. My parents both did not get along with their siblings, but when it came down to really needing each other, all the siblings reconnected.

Both my parents are now close to their siblings.

I hope your kids remain close, and I'll bet when you need them they will both be there for you, and I bet they will also both be there for each other.

As an only child, that is the thing I dread. Horrible things happening to my parents and I'm the only one to deal with it; the only one who knows them in that way.

I think that Pumpkin and Sparkle sound like awesome brothers.

[Erin O']

Hey there. I've been catching up and loving your posts. I esp. like the pics of the boys with their numbers on their chests! I can see that happening around here.

I wonder how close our guys will be as adults, too. Right now they are so bonded to one another. They are one another's best playmate, confidante, and nemesis, of course. They are quite different, which makes me wonder which direction they will take as they get older, when their paths will diverge, all that stuff. I hope they are there for each other like they are now.

Happy birthday to Sparkle, btw!