Mayhem and Magic

Adjustments

Lately I find myself surprised by things that have not happened in my life.  It's not a depression, or really true regret.  I'm just mildly shocked with myself.

I think it has to do with Sparkle turning five years old in just over a month.  Five years is just one year short of 1/3 of the time he will be living in our home. Maybe by the time he's 16 I'll be thinking, "Lordy, how much longer is this crazy person going to be around?  Can we move on, here?" 

But right now I'm stunned by how freaking grown up he is, and wondering how this possibly could have happened.  I'm realizing that we don't have forever to do some of the things I always thought we'd do.

This is kind of a silly example, but I always thought my kids would have pets.  I grew up with three or four animals in our home all the time, in some combination of cats and dogs, with occasional fish and hamsters.  It never occurred to me that we would be a pet-less household, yet that's what we seem to be.  When the boys were babies we didn't have time for an animal, but I thought, "We'll get one when they're a little older."  Well, here they are, a little older, but we don't seem to have any more time, and I still haven't given them a pet.

I can't believe they haven't been in more swimming lessons.  I can't believe we haven't taken them to Glacier National Park.  I can't believe they've both been in daycare at least four days a week since they were babies.  I can't believe we don't have a sandbox (Are they past the age for sandboxes?  Have we completely missed our sandbox opportunity?).  I can't believe they only see their grandparents a few times a year. 

Before the boys somehow grew into these crazy preschoolers, I never would have thought all of those things would still be true by time my kids were this age.

You know, having left this post alone for while and come back to it a few times, I think I'm also just a little stunned that possibilities I was holding for myself for "later" are actually passing. 

It's silly because (hello?) it's impossible to have it all.  Supposedly we can, but really?  Not so much.  Shouldn't I have truly realized that by now? 

And not having it all isn't bad.  I can absolutely be completely happy without having all the education, travel, money, career, time, or experiences I could ever want.  I'm not even going to talk about the three kids/two kids issue, because even I'm tired of hearing myself rambling on about that.  I'm sick of hearing myself think about it in my own crazy brain at this point, frankly.

I love my job, but I can't believe I'm working so much.  I always thought I'd eventually back off my schedule to be home more.  I can't believe how few books I've read in the last year.  I can't believe our family hasn't been on a fun vacation longer than a weekend EVER (other than visits to see family, which kind of count, but not really).  I can't believe I haven't taken any classes outside of my field since I finished school.  I can't believe I stopped running, after running five days a week for forever.

Again, I'm not too upset, just surprised.  Sometimes life just needs to pause briefly while you reassess where you're headed and make some adjustments.  It's normal and healthy.  You all do this, too, right? 

I enjoy my life and my family.  I'd like to make a few changes, but I'm not sure how to adjust without some other important things falling apart.

I'll be working on it...

Sparkle Remembers His Dream

This morning Sparkle asked me what I dreamt about last night.  I couldn't remember, but I asked him what he dreamt about.

"Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama."

"Really?"

"Yes.  They were arguing.  But I helped them."

"You did?"

"Yes.  I turned on Mr. Rogers for them."

"Oh, I see..."

(I don't know what that means.  Mr. Rogers helps people solve their disagreements?  Turning on the TV distracts people from their arguments?  Maybe we should have Clinton and Obama sing a little "won't you be my neighbor" before the next debate.  That would probably solve a lot.)

I'm Just Thoughtful Like That

If there is a dressing room attendent when I try on clothes, even if not one single thing fits me, I take one item with me as if I'm going to buy it.  I might put it back myself, or possibly abandon it somewhere.  But I want the dressing room attendent to feel as if something was accompished, and she isn't just wasting her time, putting away a bunch of things I tried but didn't like.

Birthday Partys for Kids?

Sparkle's birthday is coming up, and I don't know what to do about a party.

I often dislike kid's birthday parties, don't you?

Lots of them seem to be very logo/commercial/disney oriented, which isn't such a big deal, but I hate that it makes birthdays into something for which parents need to buy lots of branded stuff. 

I also dislike how gifts are done at lots of parties.  Sometimes there are HUGE stacks of presents. What ends up happening is that there are too many gifts so the child ends up tearing open one gift, only to drop it and tear into the next gift, maybe throwing a hasty thank-you to the giver (usually prompted by parents).  The other kids want to play with all the cool new toys, but they really can't because they are the birthday child's new things.  (Or, the birthday child gets all crazy because she is busy opening more new gifts, but she doesn't want anyone else touching her discarded new things in the meantime, so she yells, "Mine!  Mine!" and desperately clutches a few toys while trying to open more.  Lovely.)

And speaking of gifts, I've seen some awful gifts for children at a few parties lately.  One little girl who was turning three got a plastic vanity with plastic jewelry and plastic combs.  Nothing like teaching her early that accessorizing and preening and obsessing over her appearance is fun, appropriate, and expected.  Hello?!  She's three!  Not that I'm judging.  (Okay, I'm judging.)  (Just so you know, if my kids are invited to your kid's party, they will get a book or art supplies.  Try not to be too disappointed.)

Both Beloved and I grew up with very low-key birthdays in our families.  In my family, the birthday kid was awakened by the rest of the family sneaking into her bedroom and singing Happy Birthday.  When we were younger there was always a box of sugary cereal at the foot of the bed.  (We usually just had boring, plain old generic Cheerios or Wheaties, so this was a special treat.)  When we got older, we got a six pack of pop (also a special treat).  In Beloved's family, the birthday kid got to choose dinner.

For our boys, we've continued the tradition of waking them up with the whole family singing Happy Birthday, and a box of cereal at the foot of the bed.  Any "party" has been very low-key, maybe having a few friends over to play (just to play, nothing like games planned around a theme or anything), with cake and ice cream, and singing Happy Birthday.

In the past, I have requested that any friends who come NOT bring a birthday gift.  I figure my kids have enough stuff. I don't want them to look forward to birthday because they will get gifts, but because we celebrate them and take a special day to focus on how important they are in our family.  But especially last year, when we had three friends over to celebrate Sparkle's fourth birthday, the parents seemed almost uncomfortable with not bringing a gift.

And sweet Sparkle is really looking forward to his fifth birthday this year.  He would love to have a party at the bounce arena or in the gymnastics bus.  He's old enough to have actual friends these days, instead of just the children of our friends, and there are more of them than I'd like to have in my house for a party. 

So I don't know...  What do you do for parties?  What did you do as a kid yourself and what do you do for your kids?  Should I have a "big" birthday party this year, and then parties maybe just when they turn 5, 10, and 15?  (I definitely don't want to do a big party every year.)  What do you think of the "one guest for every year of the child's age" policy?  Is it okay to ask that people not bring gifts, or should I just get over it?  Is he old enough that parents should drop off their kids and pick them up later, or will the parents stay for the party? 

Darn it, kids just get more and more complicated as they get older. 

Home Tour: Living Room and Kitchen

Let's resume the Home Tour!

(If you need to catch up, here are the Entry, Office, and Playroom.  Or, you can click on Archives on the left sidebar, then scroll down to Home Tour to see all the posts in this catagory.)

The living room and kitchen are probably the most used spaces in our house.  Unless we're sleeping, I'd say we spend about 70% of our time in these rooms. 

Here's the kitchen, coming from the front of the house through the dining room.

And another view, standing kind of behind the dining area table.  These pictures were taken around Christmas time, and there is slightly more clutter decoration-wise than typical for us.  And generally we don't leave tons of snacks and cookies on the counter, or I would eat them all.  But you!  You look fabulous!  Here, have a cookie.

In this view you can see the pantry door.  I love having a big pantry right in the kitchen, but I don't like that it looks like a closet door.  Like maybe we have all our jackets hanging in the kitchen.  To the left of the pantry you can partially see a giant arial view of the farm where Beloved grew up.  We found this photo hanging in his parent's garage, streaked with grease, and had it restored. 

More of the kitchen, with photo Christmas cards displayed.  Is that Wallace, you ask?  Why, yes, it is Wallace of Poopyhands!  On the greatest Christmas card ever!

Here's the table.  My parents had a picnic table as a dining table when I was growing up, and I love it.  It takes up less space than a bunch of chairs, and it's simple looking. 

Here we're standing in the kitchen looking toward the family room.  The tree is taking up a lot of room.  We don't have a lot of furniture, though, and it generally feels like there's plenty of space.

On the wall are pictures of Sparkle and Pumpkin, and cross stitch pieces my mom made for each of them.

Standing in front of the fireplace and looking through the living room and kitchen.  The dresser holds our stereo and most of our CDs are in the drawers.  Way over to the right, you can kind of see the hallway that leads from the front to the back of the house, and the doors to the closet where we actually do keep our coats.

And finally, the happy family! 

Daddy's Home!

Beloved is home!  Hooray!  These pictures were taken the day he got home.  Let me tell you, there was wrestling, and pillow fighting, and yelling, and the tossing of children into the air the likes of which you have never seen before.  The boys were exhausted at bed time, but they were both completely happy.  I love seeing how much my boys adore their dad. And I love Beloved for being such a great dad to the boys.

Caucuses

Caucuses?  Caucous?  Caocus?  Pretty sure it's not caulkus.  Or cockus. 

Whatever.

I have never been involved in a political caucus before, but today I participated in the Washington state caucuses.  It was really, really amazing!

Washington state has both a primary and a caucus.  Beloved and I got our ballots for the primary by mail, but we both actually threw them away!  On purpose.  If you want to vote in the Republican primary, you have to sign something that says you are officially a Republican, and we didn't want to do that.  (We'd like to think we're independent.)  Plus, the Republican party only uses the primary to assign 51% of their delegates.  The Democratic party assigns absolutely none of their delegates based on the primary results.  I do not understand the reasons for how either party organizes this, but it was apparent that if we wanted to have a voice, it would have to be through the caucus system.

I dutifully found the website that showed me what precinct we're in, and where the caucus would be held.  I gave myself plenty of time to get there, because I wasn't sure exactly where it was or exactly what time I had to be signed in.

Well, it was a good thing to be early, because it was packed.  Packed!  When the official meeting started, the lady with the microphone said they had planned for twice as many people as the previous maximum attendance, but ended up with SIX TIMES as many people! 

I teared up during the Pledge of Allegiance.  People clapped and cheered.

Having been through it once now, I am much more likely to participate again.  I learned a lot.  For example, the number of delegates for each candidate ends up being determined by a formula with the ratio of votes per candidate combined with the population of each precinct. 

Depending on where you live and how many other people from your area vote, the presence or absence of just a few people...  or even one person...  can change the number of delegates for each candidate.

So, hello?!?!  If you have not yet heard this message loud and clear from any of a thousand different sources, figure out how the process works where ever you live and participate! 

It was interesting to see the demographics of everyone there (well, just the visual demographics, I suppose).  There were lots of people in their 50s and a surprising number of people in their early 20s.  There were definitely not many people with children there.  Beloved stayed home with the boys today, because we didn't know what the environment or the process would be like.  But next time, we will either find a babysitter or just take the kids with us.

I think it is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful that so many came, but it created some problems.  There were SO many people that it was almost standing room only.  People had trouble finding the assigned areas for their precincts.  There were not enough chairs.  It was hard to hear.

One thing that was really sad to me was that some people didn't get to participate because they came too late.  The parking lot was completely full and people had to park up to two blocks away.  A few people who normally would have been right on time ended up having to park farther away, then had trouble finding their precinct table because of the crowd, and didn't get signed in before the start of the caucus, even though the officials waited until absolutely the last possible minute.  I don't know how that could have been prevented.  I have not seen any articles this evening about record turn out overwhelming the capacity of the caucus sites around Washington state, so maybe it was just our area.

Are you bored with a whole post about caucuses? 

I generally like to follow politics just sort of out of the corner of my eye.  If I pay too much attention, it can really frustrate and upset me.  Perhaps that's a cop out, but sometimes I feel like I can't emotionally afford to care too much about everything single thing that is important.  It can easily overwhelm me.  But I am finding myself reading articles about the presidential race and the individual candidates a lot lately.  Where do you find objective and relevant information?  Right now I tend to just click through AP news articles, but nothing is really too deep. 

I'm kind of nervous and kind of excited. 

Noodle Boy

Pumpkin usually does great with school drop-offs, but I think he's protesting a bit now that his dad has been gone for a week.

Montessori schools have some very specific things that kids are supposed to do at drop-off.  The kids must carry their own things and walk on their own two cute little independent feet into the classroom. 

What should you do if your child turns into a noodle in the hallway outside the door?  I do not know.  This was not covered in the parent handbook. 

The first time I just picked him up and carried him over to his locker box.  There was rebuke!  I was rebuked!  "Oh, Pumpkin, are your legs not working today?" said a teacher, smiling at me in a totally, "Do you not know this is a Montessori classroom?" kind of rebuking way.  The next time he turned into a noodle outside the classroom door I left him, limp, on the threshold, determined not to break the rules by carrying him in.  There was rebuke!  I was rebuked again!  "The children must be completely and safely within the classroom!" said the same teacher. 

So...  What's the plan then?  Roll him over a few times until he's an acceptable distance into the room?

Thank goodness Beloved is on his way home today!

My Kids Rock

My kids are so great.

Yeah, lots of parents say this, and maybe I'm a little biased, and braggy moms are annoying.  But, jeepers creepers, mine are fabulous.

The boys and I went to a Superbowl get-together yesterday, and they were awesome.  They had a great time with the other little boy who was there.  They shared.  They played nicely.  They did not distract the adults from their conversations.  They entertained themselves.  Occasionally they came to me with some small crisis ("He's taking all the trains!"), but when I asked them to please work it out, they did.  Sparkle set a good example for the littler boys. 

I was so proud. 

Don't you know a few families that you would really rather not ever have over to your house, because their kids are unpleasant?  I do not think we are one of those families, and I'm so glad.  Small victories, maybe. ("Hey, we're not terrible!") 

I know that good behavior should be the default expectation.  And I know that bad days happen and they are still little ones.

But still, I was proud.  They made me feel like a good mom.  I know it's mostly that they are good kids, and we are a good team.  I can't take all the credit, but it was nice.

Then I yelled at them this morning.

Maybe not really yelled, but I definitely was not completely gentle and kind with them. 

You know Beloved is out of town, so I'm doing all the morning prep, getting the boys to school and then rushing too work.  (I take an hour off every AM and an hour off every PM when Beloved is gone, just to keep our schedule mostly on track, but still, it's just a bit of extra crazy in the morning when Beloved is gone.)  When we had 12 minutes before we had to be out the door, I was still wearing my pajama pants and none of us had brushed our teeth.  As I was trying to get dressed, both of them came running and crying to the bathroom door.  One was hurt ("I'm wounded!" he said), and the other was afraid he was going to be in trouble.  Meanwhile we were down to 11 minutes.  And I interrupted them and almost-yelled, "I can't deal with this right now!  I have to get dressed, BY MYSELF!"  And I closed the door.  And they both were devastated and crushed and horrified by the rejection.  Ack.  I was mad at them and mad at myself and mad at Beloved (for leaving me to deal with this, you know).  After about 20 seconds I opened the door and there were hugs and forgiveness all around.

We did manage to get to school on time, and it happened that they were coming out to the gymnastics bus as I was starting the car to leave.  They didn't know I was watching them.  Sparkle and Pumpkin were near each other in line, and Pumpkin got a little confused about where he was supposed to be going.  Sparkle was totally watching out for him, and ran back a few steps to Pumpkin, and put his arm around Pumpkin's shoulder and showed him where to go. 

Then on the way home at the end of the day, they were totally singing their hearts out and dancing in their car seats to a silly Hippopotamus Rock song.

They just melt my heart with their joy, and their kindness, and their soft, sweet, strong spirits.

   

It Won't Be Winter Forever

I looked through our pictures from last spring this evening, just to remind myself that there are seasons, and they all pass and then come again.

My travel is done for a while, but Beloved leaves in a few hours.

I shouldn't complain.  But I'm so ready to be back to a normal schedule again.  Soon! 

The boys, by the way, are doing great, sweet and flexible little crazies that they are!