Birth Order and Adoption

What do you think about birth order personality theories in general?  And what about adoption and birth order?  I read Born to Rebel years ago, before I was a mom, and it made a lot of sense to me at the time.  But I know there are so many, many variables that birth order effects on personality are hard to study scientifically.

I'm not sure what I think, but I've been wondering about it for a long time.

In my family of origin, I'm the oldest of four kids.  I think I mostly fit the "Eldest Child" profile.  Responsible, parent-pleasing, follows the rules, hard-working but avoids too much risk--yeah, that pretty much sounds like me.  My siblings all seem to fit the profile of their order in our family.  My sister is a middle child in our family and a middle child in her first family.  My youngest brother is the youngest in our family, but his first mom's oldest child.  He's very much a "Youngest," to me though.  Free-thinking, easy-going, risk-taking, and living in the moment.  He's the brother who's an actor.  (The link will take you to an older post, "Too Black/Not Black Enough", about white privilege and my biracial brother.)

My kids had their birth order changed because of adoption.  Sparkle is our oldest, but his first mom's youngest.  Pumpkin is our youngest, but his first mom's oldest.

It's not clear to me if either of them has a strong tendency to be a typical oldest or youngest child.  I don't know if it's not obvious because I'm too close to them, or if they have both oldest and youngest features because of their original birth order and subsequent adoption, or if it's because the whole birth order thing is hogwash anyway.

What do you think?  Is your personality or your child's affected by birth order and/or adoption?  Or is it all, you know...  hogwash?

Comments

[Kohana]

I had thought about birth order and adoption and concluded that we want to maintain the birth order. That is, not adopt that will be older than children already in our family. I had never thought about our children's place in the birth order of their first families. Hm.

I don't think it is hogwash as I saw some pretty interesting birth order studies in my Psych. minor in college. Of course I can't remember what they were. But I think some studies might have involved twins separated through adoption and placed into different birth orders in their adoptive families... Too bad I can't remember the details.

[beagle]

Interesting topic for study!

I don't have the children as yet, so I'll have to get back to you but as an "only" married to a "middle" we both fit the stereotypes to a point.

I would think a child's place in their day to day family would have more effect than their family of origin birth order but that is based on my assumption that the personality traits develop as a result of the context of living with your siblings (or lack of them).

I'll have to check back and see what other comments you get!

[Amanda]

I definitely think there is a lot of research to back up the birth order effects. It appears to be primarily a socialization thing, so I don't think it's about being "born" a first born but more about being "raised" a first born.

[DeAnna]

I think if any thing its like the last comment said "being raised first born" rather than born that way. Both of my girls were not the first, but Isabella definitely acts like the big sister, motherly, protective of her sister, leader, etc. although she is much easier going than Amelia. Amelia obviously is less than 2, so not sure of all her personality, but of course right now seems to take on alot of youngest child characteristics. I definitely think its a raised thing though because right now she is the youngest, but hopefully we will be able to adopt again so she would then be the middle child... And when I think of my brother and I, he is older than me, yet we have alot of the typical oldest/youngest child characteristics switched for us - so I could say alot of it is hogwash because we certainly didn't fit in the mold. I do think about it sometimes because I wonder how Isabella would do if we decided to adopt a child older than her, and if would this cause problems. Very interesting topic....

[Erin O']

I've thought about this a lot, with our guys. H. is our elder son, but was in the middle (of a very large number) in his first family. L. is the younger here, and was second to youngest in his first family. L. was the youngest for most of his short life in Ethiopia, and is youngest here, so he seems to fit the youngest profile thus far.

H. seems to be confused by his role, his place here and back in Ethiopia. He acts the older brother quite a bit with L. (protective, bossy, instructive), but then often seems to not want this role -- he often says he wants to be younger, like his brother, and will behave much younger than his age. L. will step up and behave like an older brother.

It's interesting, because I have to watch myself and my tendency to treat him as the elder, when he might not have been treated this way in his first family.

I should post on this so I can think it through some more!

[Mayhem]

Erin O', I was wondering about situations like yours, where the kids have actually developed roles and personalities previous to their adoptions. I seem to remember from Born to Rebel that some birth-order-related personality traits were supposedly present from birth (at least according to that author, if I remember right). It does seem more likely that much or most of our personalities are learned. I wonder how 5 months of living in a baby house affected Sparkle's personality. My inclination is to say that it did affect him, and probably changed or shaped some things about his personality, but that may be more of an institutionalization issue than a birth order thing.

[Heidi-happy mom]

I have thought a little about this, and I don't know, I think it will take more time to see the true effects in my kids. as for me, I am the youngest but I don't really think that I fit the youngest profile, although I have never read the book. my sister thinks that I do. I don't know. the things you mentioned above for the youngest, not me.

[Michele]

I would have to say that I think you get some kds born in the "wrong" spot- like my second son- He has all of the traits of the alpha born. . .but he was born second- my 4th son also could easily be an alpha. . .my daughter however, LOVES being the youngest of 6 and the only girl. . .so I guess this is an interesting idea. . .but I am not sure how personality works in, is it only nurture? Or is there hardwiring involved? Are we more relaxed, those that give birth, the sencond or third time around?
Are those that adopt much more relaxed when they get a second or third child home? Do we nurture differently because of that confidence? Hmmmmm:)

[Heather]

Hey Amanda,
I have always been fascinated by birth order, read lots of books about it, etc. Now... I've got twins!!! Whole other story. ;0
Heather

[Leah]

When I was 10 years old (or there about) my 4 years older cousin came to live with my family for a few years. As the previously oldest child in the house this was a MAJOR adjustment. But I am now a happy, well adjusted adult no worse for the wear. So maybe birth order is important but not that important...

[Shannon]

So far--even though Selina's still a baby--our kids are pretty classic oldest/youngest according to their adoption order. Ironically, like yours, their adoption order is the reverse of their birth order. Nat is the 4th and the baby in her first mom's family, but SUCH an oldest by personality. Selina is an only for her first mother, but an easy-going, older-sib-worshipping baby sister in our family.

[Denise]

We thought about this when bringing our son home, but it was what it was, and we couldn't change things. He went from being the youngest in his family in Haiti to being the second oldest here of 6. The biggest adjustment was for our next oldest boy, who had spent almost 8 years being the oldest boy in the house. We had many, many battles in the beginning with this, and had to really work on it with both of them. I can tell you now, that almost 2 years later, they are very, very close. I think with very large families though... other than oldest/youngest, birth order kind of goes out the window. (Or else you have a pack of middle children!)

[Krissy Poopyhands]

This is a great question! I have no answers! But I did tag you! So go there!

http://www.speckblog.net/2007/12/18/santa-photos-and-a-meme/