Called to Adopt?

I'm a little skeptical when I hear people say they were called by God to adopt their child.  Maybe that's unfair, but it bothers me.  Actually, I'm a little skeptical when people claim to know God's will in general.  Again with the unfairness, but hear me out for a minute.

I'm definitely not a Biblical scholar, but it seems to me that when God called people to a task, it was almost always something that was physically and emotionally difficult (if not actually impossible without God's help). 

Here are a few examples:

Abraham was called by God to sacrifice (to literally physically sacrifice) his son Isaac, his only heir, on an alter.

Moses was called by God to tell Pharoah to let the Israelite slaves leave Egypt, though he had a stuttering problem.

Mary was called by God to carry and raise Jesus, though she would face ridicule, divorce, and very possibly even death by stoning.

An un-named rich man was called by Jesus to give everything he had to the poor and follow Him.

The twelve disciples were called by Jesus to leave their homes, families, and livelihood to follow Him.  (Literally, Jesus told them "leave your nets and follow me."  Not even "put your affairs in order, let your wife know that you're leaving, find someone to subsititute for you at work, and then come follow me" just "leave your nets, drop everything, and follow me.")  Most of the disciples ended up being martyred for their faith, if I remember correctly.

Maybe I'm forgetting someone, but I don't remember any Bible characters who were called by God to do anything to which they immediately responded, "Fabulous idea, God!  Why, I was hoping you'd say that!"

What have you heard people say they were called by God to do?  Just off the top of my head, I've known people who believed they were called by God to sell their home and buy a bigger one, to leave a church when they were offended by the decisions of a church leader, and to get married in spite of the reservations of family members.  I don't know, maybe God did call them to those things.  Honestly though, in the specific situations I'm thinking of, I kind of doubt it.  But it's hard to disagree with the "God called me" argument.  Pretty much your response has to be, "Well, I suppose if God called you, it must be right."  But what I really think is that they wanted to do it anyway, and convinced themselves that God called them.

What seems more likely (and this is a true possibility, and one that I can respect) is that sometimes people want something, they ask God for it, and He says, "Yes."  Or, even, people want something, and they make it happen without necessarily feeling like they need God's opinion about the matter.  But to me, that's very different from a calling.

So, back to adoption...

Most of the time, adopting and raising a child is not a sacrifice on the part of adoptive parents.

Take our family for example.  Was adopting our kids something that would not have had the ability to do if not for God's calling? Was it a hardship in any way for us to bring two gorgeous, healthy babies into our family?  Nope.  We wanted to adopt, we wanted children, we cried out to God that we wanted to adopt a baby (well, I don't know that Beloved actually cried, but I did).  And (I believe) He said, "Yes."  In His grace and goodness, He said "Yes."  (Okay, and now I'm using all kinds of "Christian-y" words, so I'll back off on that.)

Just because we ended up with a wonderful family does not mean that it was His will for our children (or any children) to lose their first families.  It is not God's will for expecting mothers to be forced to choose not to parent, or for poverty and disease to wound families to the point that they cannot care for their children.  I've talked about this before, and I still feel very strongly about it.

And also, while I'm at it, I'll add that I don't think infertility is necessarily a call to adopt.  Not that infertility isn't difficult and unfair.  Of course it is.  But maybe infertility doesn't mean much.  Maybe it's just that something about a person's body doesn't work right, because sometimes that happens.  Just because an individual or couple is infertile doesn't mean it's God will for them to be childless, but neither does it mean it's His will for them to adopt.  I think infertility just is what it is, and if an infertile family still wants to parent a child, then they might adopt, or they might not.  And it has very little to do with God's will (most of the time).

Obviously, I'm generalizing here.  There are some adoptive parents whom I trust when they say they were called to adopt, and even to adopt specific children.  But I know those people well, and I know they are listening, really listening, for God's calling in every area of their lives, not just in family-building.

This is sounding like a rant now, so I better wrap it up.  Mostly I'm just frustrated by adoptive parents who are not willing to honestly evaluate their motives and decision-making.  If you want to adopt, fine.  But please don't try to make it sound like nothing should stand in your way because God is on your side, especially if you're not willing to do your best to make sure everything about your adoption is done as ethically as possible.

Comments

[Kohana]

"There are some adoptive parents whom I trust when they say they were called to adopt, and even to adopt specific children. But I know those people well, and I know they are listening, really listening, for God's calling in every area of their lives, not just in family-building."

And there's the rub. :)

[baggage]

Excellent, excellent post.

[haze]

Oh! Well said! I congratulate you on posting this rather prickly post. Too many times I have also heard the decision to adopt as God's will - it does seem like the term is used a little too casually, sometimes (but not always).

I also vehemently despise the careless way in which some people forget that an AP's gain through adoption means incredible loss on the side of the birth family - I don't think THAT's God's will.

[Heidi - happy mom]

Let's see, I do know that God had a part in our family building. In the fact that our childrens first mother was going to place and we were needing/wanting children. and I feel that our children are our children in the fact that it was going to happen anyway, and there little spirits came to us in that way. I don't think I have ever said that I was called of God but I am very religious, and feel that he has a part in every step I take in life.

Why I share here in your comments, because after reading some posts, I feel I want to clarify for fear I am who you are ranting about!

I know I am so vain!

[cloudscome]

Actually I think God calls us to do what he created us to do - and that is often joyful, happy, and exactly what we long to do. If we think a little more about the Biblical characters I bet we could find some that were doing their life's work, called by God, and enjoying it. I don't want to start listing them here, but... David was a musician. Peter was a fisherman and Jesus recognized that. Paul was a traveler and teacher, and never complained about doing it. I don't think Noah found building the ark a hardship (just his neighbor's reaction, and the tragedy of the flood, of course).

All this to say I think I am called to be a teacher and a mother, and I rejoice in that. I do think I'm called to parent these three boys through birth and adoption. I love it, I take pleasure in it, I'm pretty good at it (with God's help) and yes, it is doggon hard a lot of the time.

I don't think I'm called to have a big house, a new car or as much chocolate as I'd like though. I hear what you are saying about manipulating God's will to fit my will.

I pray I can keep those things separate in my mind. I trust God to lead me into his callings with joy, and I expect God wants me to respond with delight.

[Leigh]

I'm so glad to read this post. I've read this sentiment a lot. I never felt "called" by God to adopt. It just wasn't a calling, although it was a blessing from Him.