Called to Adopt, Revisited

So.

I need to write about this again.

After I wrote the original post, I got a few comments and emails which made me think I may need to revise what I said. 

Then yesterday I saw that the lady who wrote the post on another blog that got me thinking again about this topic really didn't like my post.  It was included in a post about things that make her angry alongside adoptive parents who treat first families inconsiderately.  In fact, unfortunately, I am among Those People who make others think, "And she calls herself a Christian!"

Ouch.  Ouch, ouch, ouch.

So, apparently, I need to rethink this.  Several people whose opinions I respect think I'm a bit off my rocker over here. 

At first I wanted to just stop blogging completely!  Disappear!  I was (and am) embarrassed and hurt.  But I started blogging because I wanted discussion and interaction on topics that are important to me, and that includes when other people don't agree with me or even when they are angry with me. 

I thought about taking the post down.  But I wrote it.  I can't unsay what I said.

I thought about writing another post to try to explain myself better.  (I wonder if maybe there is some question about what "calling" means, or what "God's will" means.)  But I'm afraid I might dig myself deeper into a hole.

For now, I'll just say that my intention was not to say that adoption can't be a calling from God unless you hate the idea.  I know that people definitely find joy in following a true call from God.  My issue is with people who confuse their own strong desire with a calling.  Not that they are mutually exclusive, but often they are not the same thing.

I also want to apologize to those I may have offended who didn't say anything.  Thanks for your patience.  I apologized to the original post author, and I will remove the link to her blog from the post.

I'm trying to just...  think...  and to be willing to change my attitude or opinions.  I'm not sure if I'll write about it again after some thinking time, or just let it go.

Comments

[Krissy Poopyhands]

Dude. I know what you meant. It's hard enough being an adoptive kid and an adoptive family without the added burden of dieties in there.

People will probably hate me, too, but I appreciated what you had to say.

There are people who do what they do and use God as a handy excuse.

Then there are people who do what they do and really believe God is the reason.

It is not even in the ballpark of the same thing, but I like the feeling that I get from fostering dogs. If I were religious I could say that I feel good about it because I'm doing God's will. I'm not, so I say that I feel good about it because it satisfies my need to give back, and I like helping animals who can't help themselves.

But, I would never think that I was better than someone who did not enjoy fostering dogs.

Say the word "God" and everything gets complicated by a million. If we didn't all have wildly dispirate views on what God is and how he/she/it works, we'd certainly spend less energy slaughtering and guilting one another over it.

It's a big subject, and while I don't know what the answer is I don't think that you were out of line at all.

[Angela]

I had written a long response but then deleted because...well...you see...I'm an athiest!lol The thing though is that I do have a very strong fascination w/ religion and I'm very well versed w/ the Bible (which is why sometimes it comes as a shocker to people that I'm not a Christian).

I have discussed this w/ friends who are not faith challenged like me (one Jew the other two Christians) and all three agreed (by the way...all three are VERY educated and also very "up" on their Bible knowledge) w/ your initial post.

One went on to say that applying "I'm called to...insert anything you want here) to too many mundane things and/or justifications for actions or behaviors actually devalues the true "call from God"

Interestingly enough I belive in true callings (I lack faith but I have many in my life...including my 9 yr old daughter...who believe) or what a religious person would consider a true calling but I think they are not as common as the trend I too have been seeing lately.

So...for what it's worth and of course considering most would ingore my views because I lack faith...I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed that first entry.

This is a touchy issue...who is to say that the person is not experiencing an other worldly call from God type of thing (is not like it can be proved either way) but frankly...I too have been quite annoyed w/ seeing just about any commong desire, behavior, action being justified as a "call from God"

I think it was brave of you to touch on this and to honor that I decided to go ahead and post the comment I inially wanted to do (except the first draft was better! I'm tired)

So there...I felt "compelled" to write as it was definitely not a call to responde! ;0)

[Angela]

Yes..."common" does not have a g at the end and "respond" does not have an e at the end but hey...I'm tired, I type fast and I was too lazy to use the spell checker, but apparently I'm too anal to not let it go!LOL

[cloudscome]

I have been thinking about your post all weekend. I have so much more I want to say... maybe I should post about it on my own blog but I can't do that from work on Monday morning so I guess I'll keep mulling it over.

I am glad you didn't take your post down. You said some very important things and I think I agree with the spirit of your post. It is so easy to use God's name as a stamp of approval on what we want to do. Maybe it does come down to what we mean by "called by God".

I wish you hadn't taken down that link though, because I didn't follow it last week to read the blog you were referencing and now I really want to!! LOL

[DeAnna]

I really am going to try and keep this short. :) I hadn't read your first post because I've just not been on alot of blogs lately, but I think if someone is offended by what you said, then they need to remember that its your blog... :) I do think people try to fit things to be God's will. I probably did this more with wanting to be pregnant and ignored what God was wanting for us for a long time. I have some issues with people being "called" to adopt, but I'm not going to write the issues here because I'll probably get some hate mail or something. I do know that adoption was God's plan for us and totally feel "called" to that, so to speak. For years I had absolutely no desire to adopt, and had all the negative thoughts about adoption. But all of that changed when God changed my heart and opened my eyes. I have no doubt that this was God's plan all along and the purpose He had for my life. Do I care if someone thinks I wasn't called to it, nope, I am confident in it. I also don't think that callings are always easy, but they don't always have to be hard. I think some people also tend to look at God as calling you to do things that will be tough, but He doesn't say that "called according to His purpose" is what the Bible says, but it doesn't tell us if that will always be hard or easy, just HIS purpose. I'm sorry I didn't get to read the other persons post, but I enjoyed reading your post and thought your thoughts were good.

[Michele]

Maybe we should discuss the mom thing again? jk

Chin up, I had the same problem with my topic- autistic parenting:)

Do not stop discussing, this is supposed to be hard:)

[Heidi - happy mom]

well if you were feeling down before, I think here was all your support, I was just being vain, not offended and not trying to be offensive! Oh and I am dying to check out that blog too, who knew taking the link down would make everyone want to read it more.

You go Girl! and I will leave with that cheesy line!

[louise]

I am just getting caught up on some blog reading now, so I missed the original post.

I think anytime we throw "God's will" into the mix, it gets really emotionally charged!

In my adoption story, I don't claim to have been called by God. There was never a voice in the night saying "thou shalt adopt!" LOL.

But,there gradually became a peace and a desire to investigate adoption, and we never felt that "check" to stop pursuing it.

Good food for thought.

[Shannon]

I didn't see anything wrong with your original post. Excellent points all around.

[Leigh]

I think it's very hard not to offend someone these days. I also think people need to keep in mind this is your opinion, and you're entitled to it. I'm glad you kept up your post. Safe topics do have a tendency to get boring.

[beagle]

I missed the original fray. But I don't see your first post as offensive.

Sometimes people use God as a shield to cover their own selfish will (or something like that). It also bugs me when people tell me that my IF is God's will because any God I believe in would not be so cruel whether I was meant to adopt in the end or not, infertility is a crappy thing to go through.

I think people should think through adoption like any other huge life choice and do it for the right reasons and if their faith helps them reach that decision then that is great. But I always feel that if someone is living God's will, people will notice their "goodness" and they wouldn't have to go around announcing it so loudly.

Those extra loud proclaimers of doing God's will leave me a little suspicious. The Bible speaks of being humble too, doesn't it?

[Erin O']

Hey, there. Just wanted to join in and say I wasn't offended, and understood where you were going with the post. It IS important to really look at our motives and desires when we choose to adopt, as well as the repercussions of our decisions. It is never a simple thing.

[Anna]

Speak from your heart, it will be the best decision in the end. And I'm not even religious :)