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Laundry & Children

As the mother of a little boy who used to literally turn over the tables in his pre-school, I totally know where you are coming from. Nicholas has a lot of the same problems and I often got reports that he had had a difficult day in school. He is doing much better now (he is 4) and has only had a few time outs this year. Just keep vigilent.

Melanie

I'm so sorry to hear this! I hope all goes well with the meeting. We think your son is wonderful and kind and gentle. I can't imagine where this is coming from. And I agree with you - yogurt/food throwing and yelling are still common at our house, unfortunately.

Jessica

Without being paranoid...it sounds to me like perhaps there are some assumptions/stereotypes going on here (coming from the administrator). We know what some people's perceptions of black boys are. I wonder if she would have described this incident as a "violent rage" had a white child had this kind of (um...not that unusual for a preschooler?) outburst? I also wonder how much people's assumptions about adopted children play in to labeling their behavior as adoption-related rage/grief/loss. My son's (Montessori) teacher once brought up adoption as a possible reason he was having a hard time settling down for nap! When the real reason was that he wasn't using his paci at school, which he always used at home to help soothe himself to sleep. I would be angry and a little hurt as well.

shermari

I agree with Jessica's comments. As a mother of an African-American son, you have to careful about stereotyping. Poor behavior that may be tolerated from a White child may not be tolerated from a Black child. I've witnessed it and have heard the same observations from other parents. So, please be vigilante about that.

The fact that he's adopted provides them even more stereotypes and misinformation to use against him.

Perhaps Sparkle needs less time in a structured environment i.e., the preschool. My son did fine in daycare, but within a month after switching to Montessori, it was evident that it wasn't working for him. Maybe reducing Sparkle's time in preschool is what he needs right now.

I think it boils down to the fact that Sparkle is not getting something he needs from his school. Unfortunately, you're the one who has to figure it out. The teachers don't seem to be able to give parents much guidance.

Best wishes.


wendy

I think you have a right to be upset about this. It doesn't seem like the situation was handled appropriately at all. Throwing yogurt and yelling is a "violent rage"?! I think not. That is what goes on around our house every single day (maybe it's forks or cups instead of yogurt, but you know what I mean). It is how preschoolers show their frustration, etc. Not the best way to display emotion, nor much fun for us to hear, but all very, very normal. I'm irked on your son's behalf.

I hope the meeting goes/went well. Please keep us posted.

Leigh

I am sorry you and your family are struggling with this. We went through something very very similar with Cody's school last year. The food throwing was a problem and getting him to settle down and control himself. Things are much better now, and I just wonder if at the ages of 3-4 kids are really learning appropriate ways to handle their emotions.

As far as that behavior being considered a violent rage, I would be highly offended if someone said that to me about my kid and would tend to think too there may be some subtle stereotype coming into play, something they may not even realize themselves, since it sounds like they work with you.

I am sorry I missed those other posts about your son and the school. I went back and read them.

It will all work out : )

Louise

Wow! Who knew that tossing a little yogurt was a violent rage? :-) My mom is a teacher, and she definitely doesn't complain about stuff like that!

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