Mayhem and Magic

New Lows

Last night I didn't have the energy to actually wash my face before bed.  So I kind of scrubbed my face with a baby wipe.  Very sad.

Our meeting with Sparkle's teachers is tomorrow afternoon.  I'll try to let you all know how it goes!

School Frustration

I'm so frustrated with Sparkle's school...

Several months ago, he really struggled with staying in control of himself when he was upset.  I wrote more about that here (Part 1) , here (Part 2) , and here (Part 3) .  We worked on it, and he did GREAT!  Really great!  One teacher in particular has made a special effort to connect with Sparkle.  She can read him pretty well, and if he's getting worked up she can step in with a reminder to "make this a good day."  Sparkle has done so well! He's getting better and better at staying calm, even without reminders from his teachers.

Today when I picked him up, one of his teachers said that he'd had a hard time for a while in the morning, she thought he was acting kind of tired, but after lunch and nap he was fine.

About two minutes later, one of the school administrators caught up with me while I was getting Pumpkin.  (Sparkle was not with me.)  She said, "I'm so glad I chased you down!  I'd like to schedule a meeting with you and Beloved as soon as possible!  We need to talk, and make sure we're all on the same page regarding Sparkle's behavior!"  She acted like it was really urgent, and told me he'd had "a violent rage" this morning and "the screaming was just unbelievable."

May I just say...

What the f***?!?!

I was furious.  I could not believe that an experienced preschool educator was talking about my child in that way.  Violent rage?  Let me tell you, I had to restrain myself from demonstrating for her what a violent rage really looks like. 

(Sparkle's "violence," by the way, was that he was throwing spoonfuls of yogurt and yelling at the snack table.  OK...  So, not acceptable behavior, and I'm sure very disruptive.  But he didn't bite anyone, or hit anyone.  Somehow "yogurt violence" sounds kind of benign to me compared to...  well, actual violence.)

You'll be proud to know that I was soft-spoken and calm with her.  I reminded myself that looking like a defensive parent could make things harder for Sparkle.  And we have a meeting scheduled for next week.

Ugh.

There's more to the whole school saga (not so dramatic), but I won't drag out this post with all of that. 

Beloved and I talked tonight about how we are going to handle this, and we'll keep talking and refining our approach.  Between the two of us, we can be reasonable but assertive advocates for our kid.  We can be diplomatic.  We can make this work.

Now I'm mostly over my immediate anger.  But I just feel so sad for Sparkle.  Why can't things be easier for him?  What triggered him to start struggling with this again, when he was doing so well?  Is he going to mature out of this for good at some point?  Why can't he be the sweet, wonderful boy I know he is all the time?

I'm afraid we could be missing something as parents that he needs us to see...  Is he truly unhappy in his school?  I don't think so.  Is something stressing him out?  I don't know what it is.

I think I'm done venting over this now.  Thanks for your patience.  (I hope you don't think I'm a crazy defensive mama who refuses to acknowledge how awful her kid is.  That's really, really not what's going on.)  We'll return to regular programming, but I'll try to remember to blog about how this turns out.

My sweet Sparkle!

Ironing

We don't iron a whole lot, mostly my work clothes.  Usually the pile of ironing grows until I can't stand it anymore, and then I iron all of it in one evening.

Among the ironing pile last night were several items of little boy clothes.  Talk about an exercise in futility...

I spent about 45 minutes ironing, and had plenty of time to think about the error of my ways.  I can't think of any compelling reason to buy clothing that needs to be ironed for a child.

Maybe, maybe for a wedding.  But even then, not a great idea.  The pants, shirts, and jackets that the boys wore to my sister's wedding were carefully ironed the night before.  Both boys fell down in the muddy parking lot on the way from the car to the chapel.  So they both had muddy knees and wrinkled pants anyway, in spite of my careful ironing.  Which, really, was fine.  Who expects children to be perfectly pressed and shined anyway?

They were both still pretty darn cute, wrinkled pants and all.

(Edited: photo removed)

Preschool Presentation Follow-Up

Beloved and I talked about South Africa with Sparkle's class on Friday.  We think it went well.  The kids were especially interested in the idea that when it's daytime here, it's night in South Africa.  When it's spring here, it's fall there.  Fascinating stuff.  We looked at pictures of Ndebele homes.  We brought our South African flag, and Sparkle got to show it to his class.  We brought some South African utensils and art that the kids could touch and handle.  We looked at maps, and pictures of South African animals. 

We talked about a few of the people groups in South Africa as well.  I was not sure how to handle this, but here's what I ended up saying (pretty much):  "The Xhosa people in South Africa are very smart.  Nelson Mandela is a famous Xhosa man.  (showed a big picture of Nelson Mandela)  He was president of South Africa, and he is important because he helped teach people how to live together peacefully.  The Zulu people in South Africa and very strong and brave (picture of Zulu warriors, looking buff, but not manacing)  Can you see their strong muscles?  The Ndebele people in South Africa are very artistic and creative.  (picture of Ndebele women dressed in embroidered clothing, let them hold an Ndebele doll)  These women sewed their own beautiful clothes and painted their beautiful houses.  Children in South Africa are a lot like children who live here.  They love their families and they play with their friends. (pictures of kids)  They like to be able to go to school, just like you.  Most school children wear uniforms to school. (picture of school kids in uniforms)."  (Many pauses throughout for exclaimations and questions from the kids.)

Anyway, you get the drift...  I hesitated a little about grouping all Xhosa or Zulu or Ndebele people under a particular characteristic, but I specifically wanted them to see pictures of Black people and associate the words, ideas and pictures together: Black person<-->smart, Black person<-->strong and brave, Black person<-->creative, Black man<-->president.  Black kids<-->like me, but with a school uniform!

(Oooo, Black president!  Maybe, maybe they'll get to watch that happen right here in the U.S!)

At the end, the kids all had some rooibos tea and biltong, and we talked about them being made in South Africa.  I was surprised by how many kids actually drank quite a bit of tea.  It's good, but it's just a red herbal tea, and I didn't expect preschoolers to like it.  The "biltong" was actually beef jerky strips from the grocery store, so we totally cheated on that, but it's hard to get real South African biltong around here on short notice.

Sparkle enjoyed having us there, and being the cool kid whose parents came to the classroom. 

(Hey, we're still cool!  We're going to enjoy it while it lasts!)

Seven Things

Heather tagged me for a meme!  Whoo-hoo!  Hmm, seven random or little-known things about me...

1.  I am the oldest of four kids.  I was born to my parents, but our family (my parents and sibs) is a transracial adoptive family.  My brother and sister are both amazing people, and as adult transracial adoptees, they are fabulous resources for us.  Sometimes I wish I could share more of their stories, but I am reluctant to write much about them on a blog without their specific permission.

2.  Beloved and I dated for four years before we ever kissed.  I used to be a little embarrassed about that, because we were so sweet and naive.  But we ended up with a great marriage, and it was the right choice for us.

3. I want a big, BIG house.  I've really tried not to want a big house, but I just do.  Like 4,000 to 5,000 square feet.  I want space for a dedicated playroom, office, formal dining, guest room, laundry room, and fitness room.  I feel badly about wanting all this space that I don't need.  Obviously, many people in U.S. and around the world live without it, and as far as world resources go, our family clearly uses more than our fair share.  Most of the time I am content (our house is about 2,800 square feet, so not tiny).  But I cruise real estate listings and check online home tours kind of often.

4. Through college I was closer to the older of my two brothers than to my other siblings.  He and I are only 16 months apart in age, so we seemed to have a lot in common.  He was always better than me at everything, though, and that was annoying.  I'm mostly over my bitterness now.  (Mostly.)  (Just kidding, I'm over it.)  (Really.)  Now I'm closest to my sister, and she is truly a dear friend.  She is the sweetest, strongest, funniest woman I know.

(She married a wonderful man last month, and this is a picture from their wedding reception.  She's pretty cool, huh?)

5.  I love children's shoes.  Generally, the boys don't have much clothing that cost more than $10 per item.  They wear out clothing so fast, it just doesn't seem worthwhile to spend much money on expensive clothes.  But shoes...  Oh, the shoes.  They had Robeez when they were babies, and since then See Kai Run, Jumping Jacks, and Stride Rite among others.  This summer they each have Keens and Crocs. 

6. Someday I'd like to be a student again.  Occassionally I think about going to pharmacy school, but I'm sure I won't.  But I'd like to just hunt through a college course catalog and register for a class here and there that interests me.

7. I hate potlucks.  Growing up in the midwest, I went to many potlucks.  As an adult, I hate going somewhere and having to bring food with me.  I am happy to cook for personal guests in our home, but at potlucks it all just goes on a table, and all the food is so random.

If you desperately want to know more about me, try this "101 Things" post from a while ago.  And thanks, Heather, for a fun meme!   

My Favorite Mother's Day Gifts

We went to a park this weekend for a picnic with some friends.  The park is right along the river, where we can wade and throw rocks.  Sparkle was more into the wading, and fell in the water completely within about five minutes, of course.  I got to feel like a SuperMom because I had actually remembered to bring extra clothes for him, so he only shivered for a few minutes.

Pumpkin's Very Most Favorite Activity Ever is to throw rocks into water.  He had a blast throwing big rocks and little rocks and handfuls of gravel into the water.

Beloved and the boys gave me a few gifts.  My favorite is the picture of Pumpkin.  He decorated the frame at school.  He was pretty proud of his gift, and pleased that I liked it so much.  I never used to believe my mom when she said she liked the homemade art and cards best for Mother's Day.  But now I absolutely treasure things that the boys make especially for me.

Overheard Yesterday

Pumpkin was running around naked for a few minutes after his bath while I helped Sparkle with his lotion and pajamas.  Pumpkin passed just a little bubbly gas and stopped short.  He turned to me and said in surprise,

"I burped my butt!"

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day! 

On my first Mother's Day after Sparkle was born, we didn't even know he existed.  I remember being near tears in church, longing for my child.  (By the way, if you're not parenting a child but you wish you were, church is the worst possible place to be on Mother's Day.)

When we received Sparkle's referral months later, I realized that Mother's Day had fallen just a few days after he was moved from the hospital to the foster home/nursery where he stayed until we met him.  So it was probably a hard day for both of us.

If you are parenting a child, I hope you enjoy your time with your family today.  If you are missing a child who is not with you, I wish you comfort today.

The picture here isn't great, but I love the peacefulness of it, and I love Sparkle's expression looking up at me. 

Thank you, Sparkle, for making me a mom!  Happy Mother's Day, everyone!

Family Life: Various Updates

1. I swore I would never buy Crocs.  They're just ugly, no way around it.  So, want to guess what's drying in my kitchen sink tonight?

Why, Crocs of course!  We ordered them from Zappos.com and they arrived yesterday.  The boys needed some summer play shoes, and the washability feature won me over.  Sparkle was so excited about them!  And the box was fabulous, too!

2. Pumpkin is maybe sort of interested in using the toilet.  He picked out some "Cars" underwear, which he likes to wear at times.  He gets two Jelly Bellies when he uses the toilet.  (Apparently we are all about the external motivation and bribery around here.  Oh well.)  He calls the jelly beans his " 'peshal tweet!" 

3. Speaking of 'peshal tweets, I bought an iced coffee from the drive through at McDonalds today.  It wasn't the very best coffee I've ever had, but it was cold and caffinated and HUGE.  (Seriously, it wouldn't fit in the cupholder.)  Overall, a good deal for less than $3.

4. We are still watching for the garbage truck every Tuesday morning.  Sparkle started losing interest right about the time Pumpkin noticed that garbage trucks are the coolest thing in the whole wide world.  Though Sparkle is mostly over his garbage truck fascination, he doesn't want to miss out if Pumpkin is doing something fun.  So the three of us are out on the steps, every Tuesday at 6:30 AM, waving and exclaiming and jumping up and down (mostly the boys with the jumping). 

Pumpkin gives a moment-by-moment description every week: "I hear a squeaking noise!  It's a loud truck!  Not a car!  It's the garbage truck!  The blue garbage truck!  He picks up Kailee's trash can!  Now our house!  Our house is next!  The trash can goes up, up, up!  Dump it in!  Hi, Garbage Man!  Hi!  Hi!  Now Alex's trash can!  He stops at the stop sign!  See the flashing lights?!  Turning to the right!  He will find more trash cans!  Bye, Garbage Man!  Thank you, Garbage Man!  See you next time!  Thank you!"

(I'm sure his enthusiasm rivals even that of the amazing Kyle and Owen!)

   

Pumpkin's Plate

Pumpkin is really particular about his food and his plate.  He's so funny!

Nothing may be placed on his plate without permission, and it must be placed in exactly the right spot.  No food can touch other food.  The plate may not be rotated once food is served.  Parents may not cut any food or move any food around on the plate once it is placed. 

He perfers "clean" food.  I don't know how to explain it, but dishes that are a lot of different foods mixed together (like salad or pastas with sauce or, you know, pretty much anything) he just doesn't eat.  He's happy to sit there at the table with us, but we may not, "NO THANK YOU!!" put any on his plate.  A few days ago we had lime chicken with cilatro for dinner.  Pumpkin did eat a bit of chicken, but only after he had carefully removed every teeny tiny speck of cilantro.

The only things he eats without question these days are peanut butter (straight from the jar), yogurt, cheese, grapes, pretzels, and milk. 

The picture above shows his preferred method of eating pancakes (without syrup or toppings of any kind, by the way).  He must help to cut the pancake, and yells, "TOGETHER!" if you try to cut it for him.  Then the pieces are arranged along the edge of the plate before any of them can be eaten.

I'm not too worried about him.  He gets fruits, dairy, carbs, fats and protein.  He takes his multivitamin.  Sometimes it's annoying to work around his food preferences, but mostly it's just funny.

Do kids grow out of this behavior, or is he going to be picky forever?