Post #101

In honor of the 101st post:

1. I grew up in Minnesota.

2. When I was born, my dad was a third year medical resident and my mom was a kindergarten teacher.

3. I am the oldest of four kids in my family.

4. Two kids were born into the family, and two were adopted into the family.

5. Of my 22 cousins, 8 were adopted.  So adoption has not been unusual on either side of my family.

6. I've always wanted to be an adoptive parent.

7. The decision to adopt was easy, but adoptive parenting is harder in some ways than I thought it would be.

8. We would like to have more of a relationship with Pumpkin's first mom, but we're not sure how to make that happen.

9. We've only met Sparkle's first mom once, when we traveled to South Africa.

10. We are planning to visit South Africa next year.

11. Now that it is getting closer, I am kind of freaking out about whether or not the planned trip is the right thing to do for Sparkle.

12.  Have I mentioned that my boys are amazing?  Seriously, if you met them, you would realize how truly fabulous they are.

13. The trend for adoptive parents to request girls troubles me. (Though I realize that requesting a girl is absolutely right for many families!)

13. In spite of this, I have been wishing for a girl lately.

14. This makes me feel very guilty. 

15.  I don't think I could specifically request a girl if we adopt again.

16.  And I don't think that I want to be pregnant.

17.  So I will likely remain a mom of only boys.

18. This doesn't make me sad or upset, but I feel a little wistfully disappointed sometimes about never doing girly hair or buying girly clothes.

19.  I have a small stash of potential baby shower gifts, so if I simply must buy the cutest little pink onesie ever, it goes in the stash to be given to someone else's new baby girl.

20. I used to be a runner/jogger.

21. I quit when Sparkle came home and none of us were getting any sleep.

22. I finally started again about two months ago.

23. I don't like running.

24. I only run because I am not coordinated enough to do any other form of exercise.

25. Though I don't like running, I do like feeling "in shape."

26. I've never lost weight by running.

27. Right now, I'm up to almost three miles a day, five days a week.

28. To keep myself motivated, I entered a local race.

29. I finished the race just under my goal time.

30. I was probably unreasonably proud of that.

31. I would like to run a marathon, but I don't want to commit the necessary time for training.

32. Plus, running sucks.

33. And if I did finish a marathon, I would probably be unbearably proud of that.

34. While I run (on a treadmill in the garage), I watch VH1 to distract myself from the suckiness of the running.

35. There are some very strange music videos on these days.

36. I'm sure you've heard enough about the running now.

37. Beloved and I met because our parents were friends who attended the same church.

38. We don't remember when we met, but I was probably about 11 years old.

39. We had the same group of friends in high school (but we went to different schools).

40. Beloved's mom was my high school physics teacher.

41. We were already dating at the time.

42. I felt a lot of pressure to do well in that physics class.

43. Beloved went to college a year before me.

44. I was sure he was going to meet someone else and break up with me.

45. I treated him pretty horribly because I didn't want to get hurt.

46. He didn't break up with me.

47. We dated through college and married right after I graduated.

48. Overall, we dated for about six years before we got married.

49. Right away, we moved far, far away to Washington state.

50. We had both sort of heard that after people get married, they discover all kinds of things about their partner they hadn't realized before.

51. We watched each other pretty cautiously that first year, waiting for the other person to turn out to be a weird-o.

52. But we had dated for so long, there was nothing too surprising to discover.

53. (Beloved sleeps with his pillow over his head, but maybe that doesn't count.)

54. After the first year of marriage, we both breathed a sigh of relief.

55. We were married for five years before we met Sparkle.

56. My mother-in-law and my sisters-in-law all love to sew and quilt.

57. I am trying to learn, but I'm not very good at it.

58. I need a lot of immediate emotional support to deal with quilting.

59. Actually, I don't mind it, but it doesn't come easily.

60. My sisters-in-law both sewed their own wedding dresses.

61. And they looked lovely.

62. I totally bought my wedding dress.

63. My sisters-in-law both cook, too.

64. Sheesh, but those girls are intimidating.

65. I'm somewhat embarrassed that I don't have any craft-y hobbies.

66. I wish I enjoyed doing something attractive and productive and meaningful, like scrapbooking or sewing or baking or painting or photography.

67. I'd love to be go back to school when the boys are a little older.

68. I don't want any particular degree, but I'd like to be able to learn photography.

69.  And I'd like to take courses on African American and South African history.

70. Sometimes it's hard to motivate myself to read about South Africa.

71. So much of the history is depressing and horrible.

72. I realize that it's important, so I try to do it anyway.

73. We attend a non-denominational Christian protestant church.

74. It's a pretty big church, compared to the church in which we were raised.

75. Neither of us has ever been a member of any church.

76. There is no real reason for that.

77.  I wish I could talk about my job on this blog.

78. It would be really facinating blog material.

79. But I could be fired if I did.

80. Or sued.

81. Or, quite possibly, both.

82. So my job shall remain a big bloggy mystery.

83. Tonight I finished reading Red Azalea by Anchee Min.

84. It was very, very good, but also very sad.

85. I don't know what I'll read next.

86. (I'm open to suggestions.)

87. This afternoon at Wal-Mart I met another local adoptive parent.

88. (Yes, we shop sometimes at Wal-Mart.)

89. (Yes, I feel guilty about that, too.)

90. (But I am seduced by the convenience.)

91. (And the low, low prices.  Always.  At Wal-Mart.)

92. Beloved and I met this mom (see #87) when she and her husband had just completed the adoptions of two children born in South Africa.

93. This was about four years ago, and they had four children at home at the time.

94. I have literally lost track of how many children they have now.  They are a mega-family.  I think perhaps 15 children at home now?  And at least two more adoptions in the works.

95. They are very happy.  I am truly very, very happy for them.

96. But I'm a little bummed for us.  It is almost impossible to maintain a relationship with the parents because they are always 100% occupied with their family.

97. Beloved will be gone tomorrow.

98. He will be bringing back a new mini-van.

99. Hooray!

100. This post was harder to finish than I thought it would be!

101. Thanks for reading! 

Comments

[Blaine]

Congrats on 101!

I see the minivan beat out the Highlander. Enjoy. 8^)

[Leigh]

Very interesting #101. I tried to run once, and promply stopped. I realized it wasn't my thing.

[baggage]

I like reading these, you always learn so much!

[sixletmama]

I don't think you should deny yourself the chance to have a daughter just because girls are requested more than boys. Maybe you are feeling this way to prepare to have a daughter, because you are supposed to have one. I completely understand how you feel, because I have always felt upset and worried about all of the little boys not getting adopted. Especially since we will end up with five daughters (lots of guilt there). But, we felt like we were supposed to request girls here and there, and when we thought we would only be adopting boys when we adopted from Ethiopia, we found out about a brother/sister sib group. We also were open to either gender when Claire was born, and felt sure it would be a boy, and yet she was a girl. Sometimes, it just works out that way. If you really feel drawn toward a girl, there may be something behind it. Don't feel guilty about it.

I loved reading all about you and I particularly loved the photo of you with your family. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was unaware you had adopted siblings. What a beautiful family!

[klorentzon]

Such a great post! Thanks for taking the time to write all of that! You've motivated me to do one of those on our blog - it just takes a little longer because Niklas will probably want me to translate it into Swedish as well!

I love the pictures of baby Sparkle - what a blessing! I would have to agree with #12 in your list!

[Nohe 5]

I feel like I know you now. Like we could sit down for a cup of coffee and have a high old time. Great post!

[dawn]

Fun post! I grew up in the midwest, too.

Also, I do have a girl, and she prefers to be a Knight to a Princess, and has never once had a hair accessory. She does like hot pink, though.

And I'm itchin' to know what you do for a job now, with all that taunting. I do have a great imagination, though...so I'll dream up something good to keep myself amused.

[Erin]

*delurking*

Sometimes when I read your blog I think that maybe instead of having my own blog, I should just publish a blog with one post that links to your blog with a caveat that says "This is pretty much what I think and feel, just expressed much better than I can put into words."

Hi, btw. I'm Erin. :) Mom to a toddler son through domestic transracial open independent adoption.

Beyond the intro, I finally am posting to ask a question... have your adopted siblings talked with you at all about their experiences growing up as people of color with white parents? If so, I'd love to maybe see you blog about that, if you're willing. I'd also love to hear your insights on being part of a multiracial adoptive family too, of course.

:) xo. Erin