Too Black/Not Black Enough

Of the four children in my family of origin, two of us were adopted into the family and two of us were born into the family.

As one of the kids who was born into the family, but now has adoptive children, it has been wonderful (wonderful!) to have adult siblings who were transracially adopted.  They have both been very gracious about sharing their experience and advice with Beloved and me.

Anyway, one of my brothers is Black (his description).  His birthmother (also his description) is white and his birthfather is black.  J. himself is tall, has a medium brown complexion, and is oh my goodness so very handsome.  Like, people turn to watch him as he goes past.  Middle aged women oggle him and get all giggly when he talks to them.  Plus, he has a deep rich confident voice that totally tips the scales if you were at all wondering if you just might fall madly in love with him.

If you met him, you would not be surprised at all to find out that he is an actor. 

As a Black actor working in a mostly white area of the midwest, he has been part of many mostly-white casts.  Sometimes there have been parts for which he was not cast because he is "too black." 

A few months ago, he found out that his director was going to do To Kill a Mockingbird.  He auditioned to play Tom Robinson.  He told me before the audition that he thought he would get the role because he was the only Black man he knew of who was planning to audition.  However, he prepared really well for the audition because he didn't want to look over-confident.  He didn't want to seem assuming or careless. 

Anyway, on the day of the audition he performed his monologue from the play.  He felt like he performed well.  However, it turned out that there was another Black man auditioning.  This guy had never been in a play before. 

When the director announced the cast, the other Black man was given the part of Tom Robinson.  My brother was surprised and disappointed, because he had performed (he thought) better and had much more experience than the other man. 

He decided to talk with the director about this.  She told him that she had chosen the other guy for the role because he was darker skinned. 

I want to stop the story right there and say how horrified and sad and sick I felt when I heard this.  I can't imagine how my brother must have felt.

To be complete, I should say that the director told him she had also chosen the other guy because she wanted someone who appeared sort of uncomfortable and out of his element for the part.

Whatever.

What stands out to me in this story is the frustration of having to (if you're Black) constantly wonder about people's perceptions and evaluations of you. 

Sometimes my brother is too Black.  And, damn it, sometimes he's too white. 

He can't win.

If you're white, you're probably mostly just... white.  If you "pass," you pass.  You don't really have to think about it too much.  At least I don't.

I am starting to notice how people "grade" shades of color because one of my boys is darker skinned than the other.  At this point no one has made a clear statement of preference of one over the other for this reason.  (For example, no one has said, "Sparkle sure is cute with his light skin, but Pumpkin is really too dark.")  But...  But!!!  the difference does get noticed and verbally commented on.  Like, out loud.  (Only by white folks.  No African Americans have ever made this out-loud observation.)

Obviously, I don't care so much about their skin tones.  It bothers me because just the fact that people noticed means that their assumptions about my sons will be different, not only from their assumption of their white peers, but their assumptions about other people of color as well.  (Long, crazy sentence.  Sorry.  Am I making sense?)

Will my darker skinned son be more often assumed to be a gang member or thug?  If my lighter skinned son wears a preppy polo shirt, will people think he's trying to "pass" as white?

I have no point to this post, other than to say that I am frustrated for my brother.  And, I guess, to say that I am overwhelmed at times as a parent trying to raise confident, self assured Black men.

Comments

[Wendy]

I have children of varying skin colors, and I, too, wonder about how they will be viewed/judged as they grow. So frustrating!! Why does anyone have to be judged by skin color?

[afrindiemum]

i worry about this, too, as we look to adopting our next child.