Mayhem and Magic

Dear Reader(s):

This blog is no dooce or nekkid ovary.  But there are at least some people reading it.

Not to be pushy, but if I don't start to see at least a few comments expressing favorable opinions regarding the overall abdorableness of my kid, I'll....  I'll...  never be your friend again start to be personally offended.

Consider this your invitation to de-lurk a bit.  Please feel free to suggest topics for future posts as well. (Though priority goes to complimenting my child, of course.)

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

One more photo

This picture deserves a post all its own.

I'm telling you, if this doesn't melt your heart...  nothing ever will.

(Edited: photo removed)

South Africa Photos, 3

I published a photo album of our first moments with Sparkle.

These photos are dear to my heart.  I hope you enjoy them.

(Look down on the left sidebar.)

(Edited: This photo album has been deleted.)

South Africa Travel Story, 3 (Meeting Sparkle)

(Beloved writing)

September 29, 2003

Hello All,

We finally met our son, Sparkle! 

The day started a bit slow.  We took our time getting ready.  Neither one of us felt like eating breakfast, so we skipped it.  I got the cameras ready, and Amanda got the gift for Karen (his housemother) ready.  It's a good thing they didn't let us arrive at the office by ourselves, because we were ready to go by

9:15

.  We just wandered in a daze for about the next 40 minutes until Michelle came to drive us to the A*** office.

We arrived at the A*** office and were lead by M*** to a room with a large table.  They placed us in the corner of the room because the angle is best for pictures. 

The social worker came and we signed paperwork.  Basically the paperwork gave us guardianship of Sparkle until we officially become his parents on Wednesday.

After the social worker left, M*** left to go get Karen.  M*** dashed back in and grabbed the camera.  Karen walked up to the door and we got our first glimpse of him through the glass door!  He was wearing a cute outfit with a red hat.  He was the most adorable thing you have ever seen.  Karen walked up to Amanda and Sparkle practically leaped out of Karen’s arms into Amanda’s.  That sounds like a cliché, but we quickly learned that he just likes jumping with his legs.  He was bouncing all over the place and wouldn’t stop moving.

Almost immediately, everyone else left the room for about five minutes.  When Karen and M*** reentered, Karen sat next to us and explained what he is like.  It is rather odd to have someone else know more about your child than you do.  We tried to learn as much as we could, but I am afraid we will need to watch the video to remember it all.  She gave us bottles, diapers, lotion, and most importantly, a scrapbook of his time in her care.  We also have the clothes he wore home from the hospital. 

Michelle picked us up and took us back to the Lethabong.  There we stayed in our room and played with Sparkle.  After about 30 minutes, he went to sleep.  We thought this was a good thing, because Karen said that he usually sleeps for about two hours in the morning and afternoon.  He only slept for a half hour and was ready to go. In the afternoon, we fed him and he went to sleep shortly afterwards, but again for only a half hour.  We sat outside this evening with the other new parents while our babies watched the 5 year old jump climbing on the jungle gym.

………….

He is showing no signs of sleeping in the near future.  We are interested to see how the night goes.  Will he sleep, or will the new environment keep him awake? 

Sleepless in

South Africa,

Beloved, Amanda and Sparkle

South Africa Photos, 2

(Edited: photo removed)

This is a picture of the three families who received our children together.  This was the night before we met our boys.

South Africa Travel Story, 2

(Amanda writing here)

Here at the Lethabong (the guest house—name means “Place of Joy” in Tswana), there are seven families staying.  Four of the families received their children last week.  The other three couples, including us, meet our children tomorrow.  Then on Friday, the current four families will leave and a few new families will arrive. The other two couples are:  K** and M**, from the US, here to bring home their first child; and B*** and J***, with their son D***, from Sweden, here to bring home their second child.  Actually, all three families are receiving sons, and all three were born within a week of each other!

The other four families all have beautiful new babies!  We all eat together and the kids all play together, etc, so we see them often.  (On another note, it’s kind of like “international adoption camp” here—with so many families from so many countries.  Very interesting to talk with everyone!)  For bonding purposes, there is pretty much no passing around of the new babies.  The parents all keep their children very close, holding them in their arms most of the time (not much time in the stroller or baby chair, for example).

I wish I could tell you what we are going to name this little kiddo.  But the day before he arrives in our arms, his name is still under negotiation.  We have a “short list” of about three names, and I am really hoping that when we see him tomorrow we will just know what his name should be.  In any case, he will have Kgothatso as a middle name.  We think it is pronounced “Goat-HOT-so” with a kind of a click at the beginning where the K is.  His ethnic background is Tswana and Ndebele, in case you are just dying to look that up.  Kgothatso is a Tswana name.

We are learning a lot about the history of the various South African tribes, and also about the recent history of South Africa.  It is incredibly interesting to observe a place where apartheid just ended less than ten years ago.  Too much to type, but of course everyone’s personal evaluation of how much progress has been made is different…

So…  Tomorrow we become parents!!  I have not been sleeping well, and tonight is probably my last opportunity for a full night’s rest.  Somehow I think I am likely to lay awake much of tonight as well.

We know quite a bit about what to expect tomorrow.  We will be the first of the three couples to meet our son, at 10 AM on the button.  (So that’s 1 AM Washington, and 3 AM Minnesota).  There is a kind of ceremony, and it is fairly formal.  I am sleep deprived and generally stressed/excited, so every time I think about it I pretty much get all teary-eyed just anticipating the moment!  But when the time actually comes I am not sure if I will cry or be really stunned and quiet. 

We’ll email tomorrow and let you know how it goes!!  (It is going to be perfect, whatever happens.)

Photos from SA Trip, 1

South Africa Travel Story, Part 1

**This is the first of what may turn out to be a long-ish series about our trip to South Africa to meet our oldest son.  Most of the time Beloved is writing.  I'll make a note in the entry if it was actually me writing the email.**

Day 1 (9-25-03)

The flight over Africa is long.  Who knew that Africa was such a big continent?  However, as I write this, I think we have about two to three hours left.  Our seats are better, as we have an aisle seat, so we have gotten up and walked several times, and that helps a lot.  The only bummer thing is that we are RIGHT NEXT to the bathroom.  Nothing like hearing a lot of people relieve themselves. 

The movies on the flight were Bruce Almighty (pretty good) and finding Nemo (better than Bruce Almighty).  We are trying to stay awake on this flight to reduce jetlag when we get to South Africa.  Overall, since we left, I think I have slept maybe 3 hours, and Amanda about four.  We will be wiped out when we get there, but at least the local time will be night, so we can just crash out and wake up Friday morning.  Or at least that is the hope. 

On this flight when they give us meals, the give us metal spoons, forks and knives.  That is something you won’t find in the United States right now.  It would be fun to swipe a metal knife and bring it all the way back to the US.  I would give it to the security guard at Pasco as we leave just for fun.  We will see how brave I am feeling when the time comes, but I found it funny.

Day2 (9-26-03, Arrival in SA)

It is currently 10:30am on Friday morning.  We were very happy to get off the airplane and through customs.  All our luggage arrived. 

When we got through customs, there was a guy standing there holding a sign that said “OurLastName.”  His name is Denzel and he quickly chauffeured us to his van, and within five minutes we were on our way to the Rose guest house.  It was a great relief to not be stressed out about what is happening next

In the morning, we discovered that there is no shower, just a tub. It has been years since I took a bath, and I was a lot shorter than I am now.  I just didn’t fit in the tub, but I managed to get clean much to the amusement of my wife.  We called and she is to meet us today at 1:00 or so.

While we are waiting, we walked down to a mall about 6 blocks from the Rose guest house.  It was just a normal mall with various shops.  We still don’t have any South African money, so we used our VISA to buy a razor, the one thing we forgot to bring.  On the walk, we passed embassies for Congo, United Arab Emirates, the Netherlands, Kuwait, and the Slovak republic.  It is a nice day, so a good walk was fun.

We meet with Abba today at 4:00, so we are looking forward to that.

Marty drove us from the Rose guest house to Lethabong.  Lethabong is a family guest house that only serves families involved in Abba adoptions.  We met Michelle, who as near as I understand runs the place.  She said that it is her job to let us focus on our new family, and not on cooking, cleaning, travel, etc.  She said that if we need anything, just ask. 

Our room is very nice.  It has a bed, crib, big closet and a rocking chair.  Right outside our door is the pool.  I can’t wait to show you guys all the pictures we will get!  Three families arrived here today. There is a Swedish family and another American family besides ourselves. 

I believe that we are off on a safari tomorrow and Sunday.  We are staying overnight in the national park I think.  It should be really fun, and will hopefully keep our minds occupied and not thinking about Monday as much. 

Days 3 and 4 (9-27&28-03)

Amanda and I just got back from a wonderful weekend of experiencing South Africa.  We are tired, but the adrenaline is starting kicking in as we realize that we will be instant parents less than 24 hours from now.  This weekend trip was good to keep our minds off of Monday.

We drove north from Pretoria towards one of the national parks.  On the way there, we stopped at an African market.  Amanda got several things, but I will not elaborate because I am sure some of them will be gifts at one point.  The market was very much like the markets in the DR.  Everyone has the “best price for you, my friend.” 

The evening/night safari was very fun.  We left right before the sun went down.  Our driver/guide Steve was good at explaining everything.  We got lots of pictures, most of which won’t turn out I am afraid because of the low light.  After the sun went down, we just had spotlights, which were great for seeing animals, but not good for pictures.  We saw giraffes, elephants, rhinos, wildebeests, impala, and rabbits.  The highlight of the evening was seeing a cheetah attack two impala.  The impala escaped (probably because there was a spotlight on the cheetah), but it was a real national geographic moment. 

The second drive started a little before sunrise.  The African sunrise in the park was spectacular.  I am sure our pictures of it will not be sufficient. We saw many of the same animals as the evening trip, but it was different in the light.  We also saw hippos in the lake. 

This afternoon we went to Lesedi, a “cultural tour” of South Africa.  There were large contingents of tourists from Japan and China there.  The experience started with a brief description of the South African tribes.  This was a little disjointed due to having to translate the English into Chinese.

After that, we were all taken to a “dance” hall where each of the tribes gave demonstrations of their various dance types.  This was by far the best part.  At dinner, I had ostrich and crocodile.  The ostrich tasted like beef, and crocodile tastes like chicken.  Really, it tastes like chicken.

Poor Googlers!

This site has gotten two google hits: "toilet mayhem" and "pretend birthday."  I hope they found what they were looking for.  (Umm...Toilet mayhem?)

I have been working on editing the emails we sent to our families during our trip to South Africa to meet Sparkle.  This method should give a good overview of the trip and the adoption process.

I'm hoping to get that posted in the next day or so!

Three People in Our Bed

Pumpkin sleeps with Beloved and me almost every night.

I used to be a bit embarrassed about this, since obviously we were far to lazy to sleep-train our kid.

Then I got all educated about attachment parenting, and am now happy to declare, "Hey, we CO-SLEEP!" if anyone asks.  No one really asks us.  But I feel better now that I have a prepared answer that makes it sound like a conscious decision instead of a cop-out.

Pumpkin goes to sleep by himself in his crib every night after a lovely and calming bedtime routine.  He generally sleeps well until somewhere around midnight. 

For weeks, I stumbled down the hall in the middle of the night when he cried.   I patted his back and replaced the soothie.  He almost always went back to sleep.  But!!  Very often (too often) he cried again almost the instant my head hit the pillow.

One night, in a moment of bleary brilliance, I picked him up (against the rules!) and carried him back down the hall with me.  The patting of the back and replacing of the soothie were still necessary, but through it all my own eyes could remain mostly closed.  Even when he fussed again an hour later I barely had to return to consciousness. 

It was like a miracle.

We hadn't planned on co-sleeping.  However, once I had a taste of almost-uninterrupted sleep there was no going back. 

Beloved doesn't really like that Pumpkin ends up in our bed.  I'm not sure why he objects, because he sleeps fine.  Probably just the principle of the thing. 

A few months ago I agreed, "Fine.  If you want to wake up when he cries and comfort him in his own bed, I'm good with that.  I'm even OK with CIO, but only if you are totally responsible for going in his room in 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes...  You realize you have to stay awake yourself for this?" 

That lasted, like, two nights.  Pumpkin would cry, I'd poke Beloved to wakefulness, he managed the crying child.  Beloved missed his own uninterrupted sleep very, very much.

So we are a co-sleeping family, thank you very much!

Honestly, besides the convenience of co-sleeping, I just love it so much.  At night, it always surprises me how heavy Pumpkin is when I lift him out of the crib.  When I pick him up, he lays his head on my shoulder.  Back in our room, I make sure to lay him down on a warm spot on the sheets.  I love the grunty, snuggly  baby noises he makes when he is settling back to sleep.  I love how he smells, all soft warm baby goodness.

Tonight, when I layed down beside him, his eyes fluttered open a bit.  He reached out one hand and patted me on the cheek.  He patted me on the cheek!  I almost cried. 

So, yeah, we're going to be co-sleeping for a while yet.